[It's hard to tell what's worse. Living it, in the moment, in real-time... or living with it for years and years, the memory never fading. The responsibility on his shoulders, weighing him down almost physically. Knowing that he could have stopped it, knowing that his superiors set the entire thing up on purpose.]
[Those parts don't come across, though. This was more than enough, and Guzma doesn't need to delve even deeper into Nanu's reason for living the way he does.]
[He can see it on the other man's face. Something he would never expect Guzma to be able to experience, let alone show even a sliver of the emotions running through his mind. Their breathing is matched, the horror still fresh. Nanu has had a decade of experience to lock the memory back up and continue on with his life. Guzma doesn't have the same luxury.]
[When Guzma drops his hold, so does Nanu. His arms fall to the ground like deadweight. The only measure he keeps in place is that bent knee of his—but at this point, he's not expecting to use it. Without any kind of hold anymore, Nanu's flat on his back and 100% vulnerable. It speaks volumes that based on Guzma's reaction, he's trusting him not to attack further. His eyes are less piercing, the fire snuffed out completely. He feels his age again. Much like the ill-fated team member, his fight is lost.]
[He swallows. There's not much you can say, after something like that.]
...Do you get it now?
[His voice conveys his equal loss of anger well. It's not accusatory, nor snappy. Nanu sounds utterly tired; emotional exhaustion befitting of a decade's worth of guilt.]
I refuse...to let that happen to Anabel. She would have...been done for. [He's taking pauses, as his breathing very slowly eases up. His eyes glance away from Guzma's for the first time since their confrontation, leaving him staring at the sky.] ...I went in her place. And when I go home...that's what I'm returning to.
[Nanu leaves the original question unvoiced for a second time. Does he get it now? What Anabel must have thought...must have gone through within seconds of Guzma's careless joke?]
no subject
[Those parts don't come across, though. This was more than enough, and Guzma doesn't need to delve even deeper into Nanu's reason for living the way he does.]
[He can see it on the other man's face. Something he would never expect Guzma to be able to experience, let alone show even a sliver of the emotions running through his mind. Their breathing is matched, the horror still fresh. Nanu has had a decade of experience to lock the memory back up and continue on with his life. Guzma doesn't have the same luxury.]
[When Guzma drops his hold, so does Nanu. His arms fall to the ground like deadweight. The only measure he keeps in place is that bent knee of his—but at this point, he's not expecting to use it. Without any kind of hold anymore, Nanu's flat on his back and 100% vulnerable. It speaks volumes that based on Guzma's reaction, he's trusting him not to attack further. His eyes are less piercing, the fire snuffed out completely. He feels his age again. Much like the ill-fated team member, his fight is lost.]
[He swallows. There's not much you can say, after something like that.]
...Do you get it now?
[His voice conveys his equal loss of anger well. It's not accusatory, nor snappy. Nanu sounds utterly tired; emotional exhaustion befitting of a decade's worth of guilt.]
I refuse...to let that happen to Anabel. She would have...been done for. [He's taking pauses, as his breathing very slowly eases up. His eyes glance away from Guzma's for the first time since their confrontation, leaving him staring at the sky.] ...I went in her place. And when I go home...that's what I'm returning to.
[Nanu leaves the original question unvoiced for a second time. Does he get it now? What Anabel must have thought...must have gone through within seconds of Guzma's careless joke?]