[Hearing her voice gets a jolt of surprise, and there's some withdrawn feel of emotion as he's left uncertain how to proceed. Does he trust his own voice? Not really. But does he want to hide behind text when she's not? Definitely not.]
I—I know.
[His voice is likewise tired—both physically and emotionally, though the latter is what she truly hears. Why is this so hard? If they feel so strongly for one another, why do they have to dismiss this? Why can't they just pursue this for what it is—even if it's temporary, even if it won't mean shit when they eventually go back... Don't they deserve a little happiness? Together?
He supposes they could have that still, it doesn't have to be romantic, but his wounded and bleeding heart is crying for a salve it can't have, and it's hard to quiet it.]
I know, and I get it. But I can't stop wanting you regardless—maybe because of that. This shit's so twisted up inside me, and it just doesn't make sense. We're here—we're stuck here. But what happens here... it... don't mean much when we go back. When I went back, I didn't remember anything, nothing changed. The same was true for you too—for everyone.
[He doesn't even realize he's almost pleading with her at this point, and it's pathetic and he hates it, or rather will once he realizes his mind is going a mile a minute without reprieve.]
You waitin' for Chris—what good is that really gonna do? It ain't like when we leave time passes back there, no matter how much time you wait here, it don't reflect back in our worlds. You're loyal—to a fault, and I admire that loyalty, I do, but Jill...
[His emotions are a roller-coaster right now, fluctuating through anger and hurt, frustration and exhaustion. He doesn't even think this will go anywhere, and he's not trying to strong arm her into anything she absolutely doesn't want to do—but by Arceus doesn't she deserve a little happiness? Doesn't she deserve to be a little selfish?]
You gave your life for him, yeah? And he waited for you—sure, that's fair, but you already gave him your life once. Shouldn't this second time 'round be you gettin' to keep your life for yourself? Shouldn't you be takin' this break from the fucked up life you live to—to actually live, yo!?
[Somewhere this has changed from being about them, to being about her. About what she allows herself. She talks about getting older, about feeling unattractive, feeling aches and pains. Life is escaping her, and she's not been able to live anything close to normal. But here, here she has that chance. Here it's not all psychopaths and pandemics—not that there isn't psychopaths, but it's different. They're not that Wesker asshole (seriously, fuck that guy), and she's not having to fear for her life at every turn.]
Hard and nobody understands?
I—I know.
[His voice is likewise tired—both physically and emotionally, though the latter is what she truly hears. Why is this so hard? If they feel so strongly for one another, why do they have to dismiss this? Why can't they just pursue this for what it is—even if it's temporary, even if it won't mean shit when they eventually go back... Don't they deserve a little happiness? Together?
He supposes they could have that still, it doesn't have to be romantic, but his wounded and bleeding heart is crying for a salve it can't have, and it's hard to quiet it.]
I know, and I get it. But I can't stop wanting you regardless—maybe because of that. This shit's so twisted up inside me, and it just doesn't make sense. We're here—we're stuck here. But what happens here... it... don't mean much when we go back. When I went back, I didn't remember anything, nothing changed. The same was true for you too—for everyone.
[He doesn't even realize he's almost pleading with her at this point, and it's pathetic and he hates it, or rather will once he realizes his mind is going a mile a minute without reprieve.]
You waitin' for Chris—what good is that really gonna do? It ain't like when we leave time passes back there, no matter how much time you wait here, it don't reflect back in our worlds. You're loyal—to a fault, and I admire that loyalty, I do, but Jill...
[His emotions are a roller-coaster right now, fluctuating through anger and hurt, frustration and exhaustion. He doesn't even think this will go anywhere, and he's not trying to strong arm her into anything she absolutely doesn't want to do—but by Arceus doesn't she deserve a little happiness? Doesn't she deserve to be a little selfish?]
You gave your life for him, yeah? And he waited for you—sure, that's fair, but you already gave him your life once. Shouldn't this second time 'round be you gettin' to keep your life for yourself? Shouldn't you be takin' this break from the fucked up life you live to—to actually live, yo!?
[Somewhere this has changed from being about them, to being about her. About what she allows herself. She talks about getting older, about feeling unattractive, feeling aches and pains. Life is escaping her, and she's not been able to live anything close to normal. But here, here she has that chance. Here it's not all psychopaths and pandemics—not that there isn't psychopaths, but it's different. They're not that Wesker asshole (seriously, fuck that guy), and she's not having to fear for her life at every turn.]