[As she speaks, he continues to hold her. There's a shakiness to his hold, from tired and sore muscles that yearn for rest, but Guzma stubbornly ignores them. What matters is holding her against him right now, listening to her, letting her say what she needs. It's not exactly what he wants to hear, but that's just part of the bargain, part of accepting this. Part of caring about someone other than yourself.
Something he's not wholly unfamiliar with—Plumeria, for example, was someone he cared deeply for. Beyond words, really, but even that had a selfishness to it. His grunts even, he cared for them, took them in, gave them a family, but even that was rooted in his own selfish desires.
She's also not wrong, there is some truth to Guzma working this out through his self-destructive tendencies. He's like a bottle rocket, honestly. He needs to shoot off, explode, and burn through those emotions, so that he can come down to Earth. Unfortunately, just like the metaphorical bottle rocket, he doesn't leave the equation unscathed. However, this does raise the question of whether or not he's better off after, or not.]
Yeah—and I'm grateful to him too. That he did that shit, that he was able to save you, and give you the chance to be you, again.
[He can't help that there's a somewhat pettiness to his tone, he's not trying to let his jealousy seep through, particularly when he knows it's nothing personal. Chris isn't even aware of his existence, and when Jill eventually leaves this world to return to her own, neither will she. It doesn't make this easier knowing that, though.
It's not that it makes what happens here stupid, or pointless. It just makes holding off for something that won't matter back home stupid and pointless. Like needless torture—but that's the more selfish part of his brain at work. He knows... he understands, this is important to her. And it'd be way less meaningful if it felt forced and he wouldn't want that anyway. All of this is more complicated than Guzma ever wanted, and why did he have to fall for her?
Why did he have to fall for Jill Valentine who is honorable and loyal. Who cares and treats him—and everyone she cares for—right? He's silent for a long time, just letting her talk, letting her say her piece. He doesn't even know what to say in reply, but when she says the word love, that hold on her tightens—almost uncomfortably so. There's just something about that word that is so unfamiliar and alien to him, that hearing it almost elates him as much as it frightens him.
Which seem a bit ridiculous, considering this whole thing is about his feelings for her, but it feels different. When you just refer to it casually and indirect, without a proper name or label it's less... binding. Less defined. Like something he can back out of if need be, but this situation has certainly gone well beyond that, hasn't it?]
Jill...
[His voice is soft and quiet, not like him at all. But, that's sort of the beast of all of this really, isn't it? He's awkward and out of his depth, and he doesn't know what to do. Or, rather, he does know what to do, but what he wants and what he should do are two warring lycanrocs in his heart, and he's not sure which will win out.
That is, until he hears that last part she mutters to herself. It doesn't help, not exactly, but it doesn't particularly harm anything either. Unless you take into account his poor impulse control, and the fact he uses his hold to gently ease her back so that he can look at her, really look at her.
And then he leans in to kiss her. He's not thinking, he's just acting, which is often his curse and his burden. He's held off this desire for so long, too long, and he can't help but let that selfishness creep in.]
Happily!
Something he's not wholly unfamiliar with—Plumeria, for example, was someone he cared deeply for. Beyond words, really, but even that had a selfishness to it. His grunts even, he cared for them, took them in, gave them a family, but even that was rooted in his own selfish desires.
She's also not wrong, there is some truth to Guzma working this out through his self-destructive tendencies. He's like a bottle rocket, honestly. He needs to shoot off, explode, and burn through those emotions, so that he can come down to Earth. Unfortunately, just like the metaphorical bottle rocket, he doesn't leave the equation unscathed. However, this does raise the question of whether or not he's better off after, or not.]
Yeah—and I'm grateful to him too. That he did that shit, that he was able to save you, and give you the chance to be you, again.
[He can't help that there's a somewhat pettiness to his tone, he's not trying to let his jealousy seep through, particularly when he knows it's nothing personal. Chris isn't even aware of his existence, and when Jill eventually leaves this world to return to her own, neither will she. It doesn't make this easier knowing that, though.
It's not that it makes what happens here stupid, or pointless. It just makes holding off for something that won't matter back home stupid and pointless. Like needless torture—but that's the more selfish part of his brain at work. He knows... he understands, this is important to her. And it'd be way less meaningful if it felt forced and he wouldn't want that anyway. All of this is more complicated than Guzma ever wanted, and why did he have to fall for her?
Why did he have to fall for Jill Valentine who is honorable and loyal. Who cares and treats him—and everyone she cares for—right? He's silent for a long time, just letting her talk, letting her say her piece. He doesn't even know what to say in reply, but when she says the word love, that hold on her tightens—almost uncomfortably so. There's just something about that word that is so unfamiliar and alien to him, that hearing it almost elates him as much as it frightens him.
Which seem a bit ridiculous, considering this whole thing is about his feelings for her, but it feels different. When you just refer to it casually and indirect, without a proper name or label it's less... binding. Less defined. Like something he can back out of if need be, but this situation has certainly gone well beyond that, hasn't it?]
Jill...
[His voice is soft and quiet, not like him at all. But, that's sort of the beast of all of this really, isn't it? He's awkward and out of his depth, and he doesn't know what to do. Or, rather, he does know what to do, but what he wants and what he should do are two warring lycanrocs in his heart, and he's not sure which will win out.
That is, until he hears that last part she mutters to herself. It doesn't help, not exactly, but it doesn't particularly harm anything either. Unless you take into account his poor impulse control, and the fact he uses his hold to gently ease her back so that he can look at her, really look at her.
And then he leans in to kiss her. He's not thinking, he's just acting, which is often his curse and his burden. He's held off this desire for so long, too long, and he can't help but let that selfishness creep in.]