[Most the time he can ignore it, most the time he can bulldoze through with his anger, and make himself forget. But those times that he can't, those are doozies. By the root of it, his trauma and broken past was entirely self aimed, and perhaps had he shared such with another person, if he had someone other than himself to protect in his younger years, he might not have grown to be as self-centered. But he was alone in that regard, surrounded by people who didn't quite understand him in the way he thought they ought to. It made closing off far too easy, and made self-preservation paramount, even if what he thought was best for him wasn't actually.
It was too late in life that he found others like him, that he found that solidarity and community. And while that certainly helped him foster bonds he otherwise didn't have, it was well past the point that his selfish survivalist instinct was conditioned within him. An otherwise permanent part of him that he's been trying to adjust, since he knows he'll never change. Not entirely. He is who he is, but he doesn't have to be his worst self.]
I didn't mean it like that.
[It's not about owing anyone anything, it's about caring, and nurturing and... she's done enough as it is. She needs her time, she needs to be able to step away from the mess that he is and not have to worry that he's going to burst into flames of his own making.
At her suggestion, he nods. They both need to come down after that, and who knows how well he's been eating this past week. He certainly doesn't.]
Yeah—you deserve that much. I owe you an explanation, I get that.
[He lets out a slow, albeit shaky, breath. This has been one hell of a ride, and he's just left tired and exhausted. It's too early for him to know if this has done them any good, or if his worries that are stirring into the back of his head are more aligned with the actual reality. It takes him a second, but he turns on his heel, his back to her.]
I'll catch ya later, then.
[He's trying to keep this calm and casual. It's more for himself than anything, but he needs to at least pretend he's not walking away from a burning building of a situation.]
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It was too late in life that he found others like him, that he found that solidarity and community. And while that certainly helped him foster bonds he otherwise didn't have, it was well past the point that his selfish survivalist instinct was conditioned within him. An otherwise permanent part of him that he's been trying to adjust, since he knows he'll never change. Not entirely. He is who he is, but he doesn't have to be his worst self.]
I didn't mean it like that.
[It's not about owing anyone anything, it's about caring, and nurturing and... she's done enough as it is. She needs her time, she needs to be able to step away from the mess that he is and not have to worry that he's going to burst into flames of his own making.
At her suggestion, he nods. They both need to come down after that, and who knows how well he's been eating this past week. He certainly doesn't.]
Yeah—you deserve that much. I owe you an explanation, I get that.
[He lets out a slow, albeit shaky, breath. This has been one hell of a ride, and he's just left tired and exhausted. It's too early for him to know if this has done them any good, or if his worries that are stirring into the back of his head are more aligned with the actual reality. It takes him a second, but he turns on his heel, his back to her.]
I'll catch ya later, then.
[He's trying to keep this calm and casual. It's more for himself than anything, but he needs to at least pretend he's not walking away from a burning building of a situation.]