[There's only one thing about Guzma that Nanu's always respected—well, maybe that's not the right word. Appreciated? Despite his status as "The Big Bad Boss who beats etc. etc.", he still took in a huge number of troubled kids and gave them a place to stay, a purpose, a family. A very screwed up family, but still somehow leagues less screwed up than most of their original home lives.]
[But he's always assumed it was more for Guzma's status than anything. Plumeria, now she's a different story.]
[Nanu can tell when his comments are starting to get through, at a much faster pace than normal. Hala's always been a point with him - though what kind of point has changed drastically. At least now Nanu can chalk it up to being a positive one than a volatile negative. And it looks like he's been training with the other Island Kahuna for a bit longer than he initially thought.]
[The side-eye he's given is matched in kind. He arches one eyebrow as Guzma explains his reasoning, though it isn't a surprising revelation in the least.]
Oh? Well, hard to argue with that. Goes hand in hand with pokémon battling, doesn't it? The weakest team loses, the trainer with the weakest will fails... Kids just starting out as new trainers get crushed, tossed aside, and are forced to give up their pokémon so they can never train a day again in their lives... Hm.
[oh wait look at that it isn't so hard to argue after all]
There's a reason humans and pokémon help each other. You know that just as much. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, it makes you smart. Thinking that everyone gets their behind handed to them when they show the slightest sign of weakness isn't "just life". That's learned.
[He says that last point with a hint of...knowing.]
But if you want to keep thinking that, why stop at hypotheticals? You're showing weakness right now. We both are, talking about this sort of crap. Hey, I just showed you the worst night of my life; I've got a big beat-down coming, then, huh? We should be punished, then, shouldn't we? [These are all conversationally rhetorical, used to make his point; slow and thoughtful, not dished out in rapid succession to put the other man down. But if Guzma doesn't agree with them, despite what he's just finished saying, then it's a big crack in the foundation.] How about Anabel? She showed weakness when she thought I was dead. But then, you just said a minute ago that she didn't deserve what you said to her. ...Doesn't make much sense with what you're saying now, does it?
[A little of column A, a little of column B. There was certainly a selfish aspect to Team Skull, but there was also a genuine care for his grunts. For those who had suffered similarly to him, unfortunately he also repeated some of the cycle with them. It's what's bound to happen when a maladjusted man takes on rowdy and impressionable teens under his wing, when he's barely able to reign in his own anger issues.
Plumeria is truly the one who kept everything together. Without her the whole concept would have likely fallen apart. She was Guzma's leash and conscience most the time—not that Guzma doesn't have a conscience, but rather she kept him in check when he couldn't. Which was pretty often.
Hala and Guzma has always been a bit of a turbulent relationship, first a person of security, guidance, and comfort. Eventually becoming a point of soreness and contention, and ultimately a misplaced idea of betrayal. But hence he has resumed being his mentor and master, and slowly their relationship has been mended, and Guzma's view of him has begun to restore to its former glory. Which also means that Hala's mention will always be an in with him, it will pacify and remind him of what he's working towards, what he's fixing, even when he's being stubborn and bullheaded as usual.]
I—you know what I mean, old man!
[There's frustration there, but less so with Nanu, and more so with himself. Of course he didn't mean something so dramatic as that, the weak can still train, they can still become strong, But until then, they're fated to be pummeled again and again. With a pout, though Guzma would argue it's a scowl, he crosses his arms over his chest and looks away from Nanu. It's all very childish looking, but Guzma again would argue the legitimacy of that claim.
As Nanu continues to pick apart Guzma's poorly constructed and greatly fallible view point, he remains silent. Stewing over what he's saying. Before, he might get angry and yell at the other over it. Asking about whether or not they're looking for a beat down! He wasn't about people challenging his view point, nor the terrible shit he's learned. Even being told it was learned would have set him off, because it's absolutely true.
But he's changed. Small and subtle, but enough. His hackles lower even more as Nanu points out how weak they both have been here. How Guzma has let down his guards, how he's contradicted himself and it leaves Guzma feeling... lost.
He feels foolish, but also defiant, but at the same time what would that defiance do? They've already talked, they've already come to this point, so running away now wouldn't help anything. Even if he attempted to save face, it'd make him seem weaker for it, make him seem like a cowward. Not to mention, with the recent mention of Hala, he can't help but think about the shit they've discussed. The help he's sought in his old mentor.
Maybe, just maybe, weak needs to be redefined in his lexicon.]
Shit, I don't know. It don't—I guess.
[Guzma's voice is quieter than it usually is, it's lacking that certain edge he emphasizes his words with. It's a little painfully obvious how stumped he is, and that's a good thing. Nanu's certainly given him something to think about, an endeavor that a couple months ago would have been entirely wasted on him. It's painfully awkward and he feels more vulnerable now, than he did when approaching Hala about seeking mentoring once more. Guzma had a history with Hala, and while he's known Nanu for a fair amount of time, it's different.
Yet, here they are. Two sad broken men confiding in one another, despite everything.]
[There's a fine line between sympathy for his upbringing and contempt for how it's taken its toll on others through him. Nanu cares more for the grunts because he sees them as able to be taken care of. Plumeria always had their best interests in mind, despite her permanent glower. But Guzma, he knew, he could never have broken through to.]
[Cripes, what is with this world and getting him to appreciate they're all stuck in it? First Anabel, now this? He doesn't want to like being stuck here, yet all of these changes were made possible because of it.]
[And he really doesn't envy Hala, when they go back home.]
[Nanu snorts, almost amused, at Guzma's reaction, like a watered-down toddler's tantrum; he just needs to hold his breath to complete the metaphor. Yet, he remains quiet, and most importantly listening, which is the most Nanu could ask for at this point. The almost casual tone of the conversation is no doubt helping in his favor, instead of stoking the flames; which, in truth, have already been dampened to begin with.]
[He can tell his words are sinking in. The way they're both sitting outside on the ground in the middle of a path like a couple of children, talking about their feelings in an impromptu therapy session... Well, how could he word it any differently?]
[After Guzma's quiet admission, Nanu lets silence rule the pause. It's another rarity for Guzma to agree with him, and an even bigger one to admit he's wrong. Letting it stand without interruption for a moment or two is the least he can do, instead of jumping right back into it and making the other man feel like his words are unappreciated.]
...I'd say that's progress right there.
[Though he's incapable of reading Guzma's mind (thank god), Nanu's next words seem to go hand-in-hand with what he's mulling over.]
It's hard, to be vulnerable. I get that—I do. [An inkling of experience creeps into his tone again; a reassurement that Nanu's not just saying it for the sake of saying it. ...Of course, that might be undercut, because for a moment, Nanu chuckles.] Heh. What was it you said to me, just last month? "I ask, but don't seem so invested", I think it was? "Just because I have a job, doesn't mean I give a shit"?
[The humor doesn't last, and the last chuckle dies down with a breathless scoff.]
Hell, it's easy to stay locked up in that mindset. Locked up in the station, shutting the world out. Just like being locked in Po Town, shutting out everyone else. ...Locked in the mindset that weakness needs to be beaten. Even when it's yourself.
[Another pause. This time, instead of just today's event, it's the years worth of hardened depression and exhaustion that comes through his voice.]
[It's crucial that the fine line is upheld, that Guzma is held accountable for what he's done, and what he does. An explanation is no justification, and for too long he believed contrary. He's learning, slowly, but progress is happening. Hala's patience is godly, to say the least, and Guzma could not be any luckier to have him as a mentor.
Of course, being here, one might think progress could reverse, that without someone to keep Guzma in line he'd go back to his old ways unabated. If anything, this confrontation between them has proven quite the opposite. It's certainly sped up the process, and saved both of them from endless spats and misunderstandings, and let us not forget Guzma being inanely stubborn. This world certainly offered some useful tools, especially when dealing with someone as thick-skulled as Guzma.
The silence is heavy, but it helps everything sink in. Really sink in. It's a little difficult, all of this has been so much information, and Guzma's not a man with a mind made for vast amounts of information under even normal circumstances. It's exhausting emotionally, but that in itself is a good thing. It's well been past the time for Guzma to exercise his empathy and understanding.
He looks to Nanu when he mentions the thoughtless nonsense he had said to him before. When he said it, it felt and sounded true, but also inconsequential. It's clearly anything but, and perhaps it was a little cruel of him to say about the other man. Especially knowing what he does now. His expression is rather subtle, he's clearly attempting to stay neutral, but there's the obvious tinge of guilt behind it. The way his brow creases, how his mouth is pulled into a slight frown., how his eyes seem to oscillate over Nanu's face.]
...I shouldn't have said that. I didn't know what the fuck I was talkin' about.
[For Nanu's point, though. That's... harder. That requires him to open up in ways he never thought he could. To drop the façade—to let down the total tough guy act. There's a strange anxiety twisting in the pit of his stomach, and he's not quite sure what to do, or even say at this point.
After a moment that feels longer than it actually is, he does speak up. His gaze falling to the grass in front of him as his face scrunches a little. It's not a look of anger. Maybe disappointment? It's hard to tell.]
I don't know if I know how.
[It's honest and earnest. With a knowing behind it that isn't usual for him. It's not that he disagrees with Nanu, in fact they have been doing it quite a bit here. However, the circumstance has greatly lent itself to facilitate that in Guzma. But to do that without such an aid? He's not sure he can.]
It's not that I'm—I ain't scared. Nothin' scares me—
[A lie, and he knows it. His eyes narrow as his brow further creases with growing self-aimed irritation.]
—Not a lot scares me, [A much needed correction,] but this ain't a turf I'm familiar with. I don't—I don't wanna go gettin' comfortable showin' weakness, and then showin' it to the wrong asshole.
[Which paints a pretty good picture of Guzma and some of his trust issues. Very few have been able to break past his tough exterior, but even then it's taken time and nudging for him to talk. But even then he keeps some shit locked up tight, unable to truly delve into the depths. This reflects his behavior as a whole, because he's afraid and he doesn't even know it.]
[Even Nanu doesn't think Guzma's going to regress after this. There's no changing who he is at his core, his "true" personality, so to speak. He'll be rude and vulgar and argumentative and always prone to anger. But after today, there will be a sort of...modifier, Nanu thinks. Something that has grown in the back of his mind that will, at the very least, make Guzma think. Think, in the midst of his gut reaction, that maybe he should modify how he's handling the situation.]
[Well... Nanu can hope.]
[The long silences help the older man, too. No constant talking or feeling the need to throw quips and jabs. The aforementioned listening that Guzma's finally doing is refreshing. Nanu can finally enjoy their time together.]
[When Guzma shifts to look at Nanu, he turns his head in kind and quickly studies the other man's expression. Tally another mark in the surprise column; so far, Nanu's heard the guilt in Guzma's voice. Now he's seeing it on his face. But, once he speaks and pseudo-apologizes, he'll find that Nanu actually grins again.]
You're right—you didn't know. But look at me. Of course that's what people think. [He shrugs half-heartedly; a casual reassurement for Guzma's guilt.] I like to do things on the down-low. Even back in Po Town. You didn't see everything I did, and that was the point. It's easier if folks don't know. Low expectations...and people don't get attached.
[It isn't lost on Nanu that his last point will most likely resonate just as much with Guzma. Don't get close to people, and you don't get hurt, right? Or in Nanu's case, the other person doesn't get hurt. Either way, they each have their own form of isolation. And Nanu's still working on his.]
[He watches Guzma as a cavalcade of emotions brew in his thoughts. Again, he stays silent to let the other man speak uninterrupted; get his thoughts in order. He can tell it's especially hard right now, as Guzma stops and starts again like he's a record that's skipping as it plays.]
[During the next pause, Nanu nods. Partially to signal to Guzma that he understands, and partially to himself. A thought has been brewing since they've sat down to talk, and now it's come to a head. The catalyst was Guzma finally admitting that he's capable of, and has been, being scared.]
It won't be easy. I'm not telling you to try and change who you are cold-Stantler. It takes time. [And boy, doesn't he know it.] And you would never let someone walk all over you. But letting down your guard to let someone else in... it's a gamble, I won't lie.
But it's worth it to try.
[Good thing Guzma's not in the mood to tease about him and Anabel... But it might be obvious that it's what he's thinking of.]
[And finally, the idea stewing in Nanu's mind decides to come out. After a brief pause, he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.]
...I'm no Hala. Can't expect the same dynamic. ...But if you think that gamble is worth the risk, and you actually want to try... I don't see any harm in helping you figure it out.
[He's not going to say the word "mentor" outright, but the fact that he name-dropped Hala again—well. It's obvious what he's offering.]
[He will definitely think twice before running his mouth—at least with someone he knows, or something he cares about knows. It'll take time for him to learn proper restraint with people he's unfamiliar with, that's for certain, but this is progress.
It won't be perfect, Guzma is far from that, but even if he does it half the time, that's still better than before.
The guilt doesn't wholly leave Guzma, even when Nanu downplays the statement. Maybe it'd be more of a reassurance if Guzma didn't feel like such a fool for not realizing it. If it didn't take this to make him realize that Nanu actually gave a fuck about anything. In fact, he wears a mask, not unlike Guzma's own, to conceal how much he cares, yet despite that Guzma truly believed his indifference.]
Yeah. I ain't ever gonna fully change.
[It's not a statement of defiance, just a matter of fact. Who he is, is just who he is. What he wants to change is how he reacts to things, how he proceeds forward, and how he navigates his social interactions. It's hard, so damn hard to break away from these self-destructive tendencies... but Nanu's right, he's right and he knows it.
Had this been under less serious circumstances, he most certainly would have taken the low hanging fruit of a tease about Nanu and Anabel—but that's what got him into this mess to begin with. Perhaps not that general vein of joking, but their relationship in general was the kindling for the fire he lit under his own ass.
As he goes to reply, he hears the breath Nanu takes and releases, and decides to let the man finish. It's certainly not something he expected to hear from Nanu, and it leaves him quiet once more. His expression hides nothing that goes on between his ears. Twisting into a mixture of bafflement and uncertainty. Less so because of the idea of having Nanu as a mentor, but more so because Nanu would offer it at all.
He's touched, honestly, and he leans his elbows on his knees once more as he thinks about it, his face falling to something more contemplative in nature. An expression rarely seen on Guzma, but it's there all the same.
Hala is his master, but also Hala is not here. Nor will he be for the foreseeable future. Maybe tomorrow Hala will show up, maybe he will never show up. It's not exactly a betrayal to Hala to take Nanu on as his stand in, and if anything he owes it to Hala to keep up with his progress, even if he's not here, right? This seems like an opportunity that even Guzma isn't stupid enough to spit in the face of.
A shallow nod at first, and then he speaks.]
Yeah... Alright, yeah. I'd like that. You ain't Hala, but—
[He pauses a moment, thinking his words over carefully before continuing.]
I trust you, and I respect you. I could use your help.
[It feels weird to say it, especially to Nanu. They do not have the history he does with Hala, but now there's been something so intimately shared with him, he'd feel like an idiot to not show Nanu the same sort of trust.]
[Unless the progress is halted by something like mouthing off to a murderer... But there will always be setbacks. So long as Guzma can show and prove to Nanu that he's trying–that's what's important.]
[Not many people know Nanu's true nature beyond his laziness and sour attitude. Those aren't masks, at least; but they serve as the foundation for one. He rarely gives a crap about what other people think of him, and that included Guzma. For the ex-Skull leader, that was on purpose. It was a different story for his grunts, and even Plumeria. Nanu assumes the grunts just didn't mention the things their Kahuna did for our with them, likely because it would signify some sort of weakness to their feared leader. Now, maybe Nanu can tell him of those things some time.]
[For now, though, the focus is on Guzma and his actions... and words. It wasn't just Nanu and Anabel's relationship that lit the proverbial fire–it was Guzma's cruel "joke" and subsequently how he handled her very reasonable response that dug the fire pit deeper.]
[Nanu guesses he should wait to tell him to apologize to Anabel. Baby steps, and all that.]
[He goes quiet once again, to leave room for the other man to think. It's a hefty proposal, despite how casual he tried to make it. And it's something even Nanu's thinking twice about, considering Guzma's track record. But he wouldn't be offering if this situation wasn't as serious as it became.]
[Though, he doesn't look at Guzma's face as he thinks; no watching, no hovering. It's the least he can do, to give the man some privacy, even if it's entirely in Guzma's head. Not until he speaks again does Nanu turn back to him and really sees the seriousness on his face. Whether he accepts or declines is entirely up to him, and at this point, Nanu's not fully sure which to expect.]
[So it's a pleasant surprise when Guzma not only accepts–but admits respect. That brings a modicum of surprise to Nanu's face. It had to be monumentally hard for him to admit, but ultimately Nanu's a little touched, too. He can tell it's not a bluff.]
Alright then. [He nods, looking Guzma in the eye.] We've got a deal.
[It would probably be weird for them to seal it with a handshake or something. Nanu's never been fond of that crap. The real seal is showing progress.]
Well... [A sigh; perhaps noticeably less serous, and more his normal long-suffering self.] ...Guess this means I gotta give you permission to bother me now, huh?
[An attempt at levity, after all this shit.]
If the starbucks is a strawberry horchata ur 4given
[LOOK... he's got a bit to learn still, and self control doesn't come easy, but that's what this is all about, right? Learning some self control and taking responsibility!
Surprising as it might be, Guzma doesn't seem to mind weakness in his grunts so much, otherwise why else would he take in a bunch of failures? They all sucked at Pokèmon, but he brought them in anyways. That doesn't mean they understood his weird double standard than anyone else, but really what mattered in terms of strength and weakness was Guzma's own perception of it. Allies could be weak, but he couldn't be weak to anyone, and if opponents showed any weakness, he struck at their vulnerabilities without mercy. Weak grunts meant no power struggle, no competition, it worked in his favor.
Fortunately Nanu won't need to tell Guzma to apologize, because he'll certainly attempt that on his own after this, with little success. But he's going to try, and that's what matters?
The lack of staring at him while he made his decision was nice, Guzma's not a deep thinker, and if Nanu watched him meanwhile he might have gotten a little agitated, so being able to be left with his thoughts and decide... well, it certainly helped him figure it out. The look of surprise on Nanu is a nice touch, getting reactions from the older man, no matter how small, was always a win.]
Yeah, guess we do.
[It's strange, and it might not stop being strange for a while, but strange isn't always a bad thing. Guzma likewise makes no move to seal this with a hand shake, not really his style. Besides, he's probably touched Nanu enough as it is in this whole ordeal.
Guzma grins at the little joke, a welcomed change of pace considering everything.]
You sure you gonna be able to handle that?
[He has little intention to overrun Nanu's life or anything, but it's as much of a joke as it is a serious question. Guzma may not always be self-aware, but he knows he's a handful. A point of pride in the past, after all.]
walks out another week later sipping definitely not that
[Guzma is like a constant pendulum of contradiction. Which, of course, only serves to increase the amount of grief he gives people, and worsen the infuriation. Still, the fact that Guzma delivered "beat-downs" to his own crew is something Nanu has always been aware of, souring what was left of the heartwarming idea of his gang for misfits only. The true dynamic was never lost on him. He stayed close to Team Skull not only for the pokémon, in truth.]
[But he's on the right path, now. Not wholly, and not toward most others outside of his narrow social circle (the good one)... but a right path nonetheless.]
[Nanu snorts, acting irked.]
Don't have a choice, do I. [Then, a little more seriously,] I can tell when you're giving me crap, though. Don't abuse this permission.
[The warning isn't backed by any sort of intense look or terse tone. It's just there, for Guzma to interpret and use how he wishes. And normally that's a dangerous thing to give him.]
Not many people have it.
[Nor do many have any sort of verbal acknowledgement of Nanu's mentorship. If anything, he avoids getting into that sort of trouble like the plague; yet here he is, offering it to one of the most troublesome person he's ever met.]
[He's really got no excuse for the beat-downs he gave his grunts. Of course, he'd try to excuse it if confronted about it, but really when it comes down to it, there's nothing that can exonerate him. It's literally the cycle of abuse at play, but it was still his choice to do those things, regardless of the emotion that drove him. Regardless of what conditioned mentality was instilled in him. His grunts deserved better, and deep down he knows that.
If it helps anything, his own contradictions and flip-flopping often serves him poorly, and leads to his own frustration as well. Of course, even though he does tend to recognize that he's the issue, he has a penchant for abusing himself, and then... not exactly learning from it. That's the issue when you have a fragile ego, but it's overinflated. Like a hot-air balloon made of glass with the flame stuck on high; brittle and hot, threatening to shatter at the smallest touch.
Of course, he's doing better as mentioned. Slowly. Surely. He's getting there, but it takes a lot to get someone back on the right course after they've been lost in the Hinterlands of moral indifference.
Guzma lets out a snort at Nanu's reaction.]
Yeah, you had a choice, you already made it! [He shrugs, smirking. For a second, he almost seems like he's not taking the latter half seriously, but his expression softens just a touch, before he gives him an agreeing nod. His voice has lost that joking edge to it, instead it's a little bit more serious and earnest. But there's a touch of exhaustion to it, this whole thing has been a wild ride of emotion.]
I got no plans to abuse what you're givin' me. I may do a lot of stupid shit, but I'm tryin' not to fuck up what's important no more.
[As much as Guzma might be a self-important jackass who tries to act like the world revolves around him—bonds are greatly important to him. Bonds in Team Skull were greatly valued, and even with Guzma's shitty temper, and how he mistreated them, there was a deep loyalty there between him and his grunts. He doesn't have that now, he gave that up, and so when it comes to making these sorts of bonds and connections... he doesn't want to lose them.
Deep down he has a longing for social connectivity, for a family of sorts. To have those he considers his, but not entirely in some sort of objectifying and possessive sense that kinda dehumanizes the other party. Something mutual and reciprocated. The very thing he lacked in his early life.
Team Skull was basically that, but unfortunately he fucked the dynamic up. However, it's a thing of the past, and while he's been working on himself, there's still a sense of loss. A hole he's trying to fill, even if he doesn't realize it. Maybe this is another step closer to doing just that?]
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golisolation) wrote2010-07-17 11:01 am
no subject
[But he's always assumed it was more for Guzma's status than anything. Plumeria, now she's a different story.]
[Nanu can tell when his comments are starting to get through, at a much faster pace than normal. Hala's always been a point with him - though what kind of point has changed drastically. At least now Nanu can chalk it up to being a positive one than a volatile negative. And it looks like he's been training with the other Island Kahuna for a bit longer than he initially thought.]
[The side-eye he's given is matched in kind. He arches one eyebrow as Guzma explains his reasoning, though it isn't a surprising revelation in the least.]
Oh? Well, hard to argue with that. Goes hand in hand with pokémon battling, doesn't it? The weakest team loses, the trainer with the weakest will fails... Kids just starting out as new trainers get crushed, tossed aside, and are forced to give up their pokémon so they can never train a day again in their lives... Hm.
[oh wait look at that it isn't so hard to argue after all]
There's a reason humans and pokémon help each other. You know that just as much. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, it makes you smart. Thinking that everyone gets their behind handed to them when they show the slightest sign of weakness isn't "just life". That's learned.
[He says that last point with a hint of...knowing.]
But if you want to keep thinking that, why stop at hypotheticals? You're showing weakness right now. We both are, talking about this sort of crap. Hey, I just showed you the worst night of my life; I've got a big beat-down coming, then, huh? We should be punished, then, shouldn't we? [These are all conversationally rhetorical, used to make his point; slow and thoughtful, not dished out in rapid succession to put the other man down. But if Guzma doesn't agree with them, despite what he's just finished saying, then it's a big crack in the foundation.] How about Anabel? She showed weakness when she thought I was dead. But then, you just said a minute ago that she didn't deserve what you said to her. ...Doesn't make much sense with what you're saying now, does it?
no subject
Plumeria is truly the one who kept everything together. Without her the whole concept would have likely fallen apart. She was Guzma's leash and conscience most the time—not that Guzma doesn't have a conscience, but rather she kept him in check when he couldn't. Which was pretty often.
Hala and Guzma has always been a bit of a turbulent relationship, first a person of security, guidance, and comfort. Eventually becoming a point of soreness and contention, and ultimately a misplaced idea of betrayal. But hence he has resumed being his mentor and master, and slowly their relationship has been mended, and Guzma's view of him has begun to restore to its former glory. Which also means that Hala's mention will always be an in with him, it will pacify and remind him of what he's working towards, what he's fixing, even when he's being stubborn and bullheaded as usual.]
I—you know what I mean, old man!
[There's frustration there, but less so with Nanu, and more so with himself. Of course he didn't mean something so dramatic as that, the weak can still train, they can still become strong, But until then, they're fated to be pummeled again and again. With a pout, though Guzma would argue it's a scowl, he crosses his arms over his chest and looks away from Nanu. It's all very childish looking, but Guzma again would argue the legitimacy of that claim.
As Nanu continues to pick apart Guzma's poorly constructed and greatly fallible view point, he remains silent. Stewing over what he's saying. Before, he might get angry and yell at the other over it. Asking about whether or not they're looking for a beat down! He wasn't about people challenging his view point, nor the terrible shit he's learned. Even being told it was learned would have set him off, because it's absolutely true.
But he's changed. Small and subtle, but enough. His hackles lower even more as Nanu points out how weak they both have been here. How Guzma has let down his guards, how he's contradicted himself and it leaves Guzma feeling... lost.
He feels foolish, but also defiant, but at the same time what would that defiance do? They've already talked, they've already come to this point, so running away now wouldn't help anything. Even if he attempted to save face, it'd make him seem weaker for it, make him seem like a cowward. Not to mention, with the recent mention of Hala, he can't help but think about the shit they've discussed. The help he's sought in his old mentor.
Maybe, just maybe, weak needs to be redefined in his lexicon.]
Shit, I don't know. It don't—I guess.
[Guzma's voice is quieter than it usually is, it's lacking that certain edge he emphasizes his words with. It's a little painfully obvious how stumped he is, and that's a good thing. Nanu's certainly given him something to think about, an endeavor that a couple months ago would have been entirely wasted on him. It's painfully awkward and he feels more vulnerable now, than he did when approaching Hala about seeking mentoring once more. Guzma had a history with Hala, and while he's known Nanu for a fair amount of time, it's different.
Yet, here they are. Two sad broken men confiding in one another, despite everything.]
no subject
[Cripes, what is with this world and getting him to appreciate they're all stuck in it? First Anabel, now this? He doesn't want to like being stuck here, yet all of these changes were made possible because of it.]
[And he really doesn't envy Hala, when they go back home.]
[Nanu snorts, almost amused, at Guzma's reaction, like a watered-down toddler's tantrum; he just needs to hold his breath to complete the metaphor. Yet, he remains quiet, and most importantly listening, which is the most Nanu could ask for at this point. The almost casual tone of the conversation is no doubt helping in his favor, instead of stoking the flames; which, in truth, have already been dampened to begin with.]
[He can tell his words are sinking in. The way they're both sitting outside on the ground in the middle of a path like a couple of children, talking about their feelings in an impromptu therapy session... Well, how could he word it any differently?]
[After Guzma's quiet admission, Nanu lets silence rule the pause. It's another rarity for Guzma to agree with him, and an even bigger one to admit he's wrong. Letting it stand without interruption for a moment or two is the least he can do, instead of jumping right back into it and making the other man feel like his words are unappreciated.]
...I'd say that's progress right there.
[Though he's incapable of reading Guzma's mind (thank god), Nanu's next words seem to go hand-in-hand with what he's mulling over.]
It's hard, to be vulnerable. I get that—I do. [An inkling of experience creeps into his tone again; a reassurement that Nanu's not just saying it for the sake of saying it. ...Of course, that might be undercut, because for a moment, Nanu chuckles.] Heh. What was it you said to me, just last month? "I ask, but don't seem so invested", I think it was? "Just because I have a job, doesn't mean I give a shit"?
[The humor doesn't last, and the last chuckle dies down with a breathless scoff.]
Hell, it's easy to stay locked up in that mindset. Locked up in the station, shutting the world out. Just like being locked in Po Town, shutting out everyone else. ...Locked in the mindset that weakness needs to be beaten. Even when it's yourself.
[Another pause. This time, instead of just today's event, it's the years worth of hardened depression and exhaustion that comes through his voice.]
The façade needs to come down, sometimes.
no subject
Of course, being here, one might think progress could reverse, that without someone to keep Guzma in line he'd go back to his old ways unabated. If anything, this confrontation between them has proven quite the opposite. It's certainly sped up the process, and saved both of them from endless spats and misunderstandings, and let us not forget Guzma being inanely stubborn. This world certainly offered some useful tools, especially when dealing with someone as thick-skulled as Guzma.
The silence is heavy, but it helps everything sink in. Really sink in. It's a little difficult, all of this has been so much information, and Guzma's not a man with a mind made for vast amounts of information under even normal circumstances. It's exhausting emotionally, but that in itself is a good thing. It's well been past the time for Guzma to exercise his empathy and understanding.
He looks to Nanu when he mentions the thoughtless nonsense he had said to him before. When he said it, it felt and sounded true, but also inconsequential. It's clearly anything but, and perhaps it was a little cruel of him to say about the other man. Especially knowing what he does now. His expression is rather subtle, he's clearly attempting to stay neutral, but there's the obvious tinge of guilt behind it. The way his brow creases, how his mouth is pulled into a slight frown., how his eyes seem to oscillate over Nanu's face.]
...I shouldn't have said that. I didn't know what the fuck I was talkin' about.
[For Nanu's point, though. That's... harder. That requires him to open up in ways he never thought he could. To drop the façade—to let down the total tough guy act. There's a strange anxiety twisting in the pit of his stomach, and he's not quite sure what to do, or even say at this point.
After a moment that feels longer than it actually is, he does speak up. His gaze falling to the grass in front of him as his face scrunches a little. It's not a look of anger. Maybe disappointment? It's hard to tell.]
I don't know if I know how.
[It's honest and earnest. With a knowing behind it that isn't usual for him. It's not that he disagrees with Nanu, in fact they have been doing it quite a bit here. However, the circumstance has greatly lent itself to facilitate that in Guzma. But to do that without such an aid? He's not sure he can.]
It's not that I'm—I ain't scared. Nothin' scares me—
[A lie, and he knows it. His eyes narrow as his brow further creases with growing self-aimed irritation.]
—Not a lot scares me, [A much needed correction,] but this ain't a turf I'm familiar with. I don't—I don't wanna go gettin' comfortable showin' weakness, and then showin' it to the wrong asshole.
[Which paints a pretty good picture of Guzma and some of his trust issues. Very few have been able to break past his tough exterior, but even then it's taken time and nudging for him to talk. But even then he keeps some shit locked up tight, unable to truly delve into the depths. This reflects his behavior as a whole, because he's afraid and he doesn't even know it.]
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[Well... Nanu can hope.]
[The long silences help the older man, too. No constant talking or feeling the need to throw quips and jabs. The aforementioned listening that Guzma's finally doing is refreshing. Nanu can finally enjoy their time together.]
[When Guzma shifts to look at Nanu, he turns his head in kind and quickly studies the other man's expression. Tally another mark in the surprise column; so far, Nanu's heard the guilt in Guzma's voice. Now he's seeing it on his face. But, once he speaks and pseudo-apologizes, he'll find that Nanu actually grins again.]
You're right—you didn't know. But look at me. Of course that's what people think. [He shrugs half-heartedly; a casual reassurement for Guzma's guilt.] I like to do things on the down-low. Even back in Po Town. You didn't see everything I did, and that was the point. It's easier if folks don't know. Low expectations...and people don't get attached.
[It isn't lost on Nanu that his last point will most likely resonate just as much with Guzma. Don't get close to people, and you don't get hurt, right? Or in Nanu's case, the other person doesn't get hurt. Either way, they each have their own form of isolation. And Nanu's still working on his.]
[He watches Guzma as a cavalcade of emotions brew in his thoughts. Again, he stays silent to let the other man speak uninterrupted; get his thoughts in order. He can tell it's especially hard right now, as Guzma stops and starts again like he's a record that's skipping as it plays.]
[During the next pause, Nanu nods. Partially to signal to Guzma that he understands, and partially to himself. A thought has been brewing since they've sat down to talk, and now it's come to a head. The catalyst was Guzma finally admitting that he's capable of, and has been, being scared.]
It won't be easy. I'm not telling you to try and change who you are cold-Stantler. It takes time. [And boy, doesn't he know it.] And you would never let someone walk all over you. But letting down your guard to let someone else in... it's a gamble, I won't lie.
But it's worth it to try.
[Good thing Guzma's not in the mood to tease about him and Anabel... But it might be obvious that it's what he's thinking of.]
[And finally, the idea stewing in Nanu's mind decides to come out. After a brief pause, he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.]
...I'm no Hala. Can't expect the same dynamic. ...But if you think that gamble is worth the risk, and you actually want to try... I don't see any harm in helping you figure it out.
[He's not going to say the word "mentor" outright, but the fact that he name-dropped Hala again—well. It's obvious what he's offering.]
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It won't be perfect, Guzma is far from that, but even if he does it half the time, that's still better than before.
The guilt doesn't wholly leave Guzma, even when Nanu downplays the statement. Maybe it'd be more of a reassurance if Guzma didn't feel like such a fool for not realizing it. If it didn't take this to make him realize that Nanu actually gave a fuck about anything. In fact, he wears a mask, not unlike Guzma's own, to conceal how much he cares, yet despite that Guzma truly believed his indifference.]
Yeah. I ain't ever gonna fully change.
[It's not a statement of defiance, just a matter of fact. Who he is, is just who he is. What he wants to change is how he reacts to things, how he proceeds forward, and how he navigates his social interactions. It's hard, so damn hard to break away from these self-destructive tendencies... but Nanu's right, he's right and he knows it.
Had this been under less serious circumstances, he most certainly would have taken the low hanging fruit of a tease about Nanu and Anabel—but that's what got him into this mess to begin with. Perhaps not that general vein of joking, but their relationship in general was the kindling for the fire he lit under his own ass.
As he goes to reply, he hears the breath Nanu takes and releases, and decides to let the man finish. It's certainly not something he expected to hear from Nanu, and it leaves him quiet once more. His expression hides nothing that goes on between his ears. Twisting into a mixture of bafflement and uncertainty. Less so because of the idea of having Nanu as a mentor, but more so because Nanu would offer it at all.
He's touched, honestly, and he leans his elbows on his knees once more as he thinks about it, his face falling to something more contemplative in nature. An expression rarely seen on Guzma, but it's there all the same.
Hala is his master, but also Hala is not here. Nor will he be for the foreseeable future. Maybe tomorrow Hala will show up, maybe he will never show up. It's not exactly a betrayal to Hala to take Nanu on as his stand in, and if anything he owes it to Hala to keep up with his progress, even if he's not here, right? This seems like an opportunity that even Guzma isn't stupid enough to spit in the face of.
A shallow nod at first, and then he speaks.]
Yeah... Alright, yeah. I'd like that. You ain't Hala, but—
[He pauses a moment, thinking his words over carefully before continuing.]
I trust you, and I respect you. I could use your help.
[It feels weird to say it, especially to Nanu. They do not have the history he does with Hala, but now there's been something so intimately shared with him, he'd feel like an idiot to not show Nanu the same sort of trust.]
comes back weeks late w starbucks
[Not many people know Nanu's true nature beyond his laziness and sour attitude. Those aren't masks, at least; but they serve as the foundation for one. He rarely gives a crap about what other people think of him, and that included Guzma. For the ex-Skull leader, that was on purpose. It was a different story for his grunts, and even Plumeria. Nanu assumes the grunts just didn't mention the things their Kahuna did for our with them, likely because it would signify some sort of weakness to their feared leader. Now, maybe Nanu can tell him of those things some time.]
[For now, though, the focus is on Guzma and his actions... and words. It wasn't just Nanu and Anabel's relationship that lit the proverbial fire–it was Guzma's cruel "joke" and subsequently how he handled her very reasonable response that dug the fire pit deeper.]
[Nanu guesses he should wait to tell him to apologize to Anabel. Baby steps, and all that.]
[He goes quiet once again, to leave room for the other man to think. It's a hefty proposal, despite how casual he tried to make it. And it's something even Nanu's thinking twice about, considering Guzma's track record. But he wouldn't be offering if this situation wasn't as serious as it became.]
[Though, he doesn't look at Guzma's face as he thinks; no watching, no hovering. It's the least he can do, to give the man some privacy, even if it's entirely in Guzma's head. Not until he speaks again does Nanu turn back to him and really sees the seriousness on his face. Whether he accepts or declines is entirely up to him, and at this point, Nanu's not fully sure which to expect.]
[So it's a pleasant surprise when Guzma not only accepts–but admits respect. That brings a modicum of surprise to Nanu's face. It had to be monumentally hard for him to admit, but ultimately Nanu's a little touched, too. He can tell it's not a bluff.]
Alright then. [He nods, looking Guzma in the eye.] We've got a deal.
[It would probably be weird for them to seal it with a handshake or something. Nanu's never been fond of that crap. The real seal is showing progress.]
Well... [A sigh; perhaps noticeably less serous, and more his normal long-suffering self.] ...Guess this means I gotta give you permission to bother me now, huh?
[An attempt at levity, after all this shit.]
If the starbucks is a strawberry horchata ur 4given
Surprising as it might be, Guzma doesn't seem to mind weakness in his grunts so much, otherwise why else would he take in a bunch of failures? They all sucked at Pokèmon, but he brought them in anyways. That doesn't mean they understood his weird double standard than anyone else, but really what mattered in terms of strength and weakness was Guzma's own perception of it. Allies could be weak, but he couldn't be weak to anyone, and if opponents showed any weakness, he struck at their vulnerabilities without mercy. Weak grunts meant no power struggle, no competition, it worked in his favor.
Fortunately Nanu won't need to tell Guzma to apologize, because he'll certainly attempt that on his own after this, with little success. But he's going to try, and that's what matters?
The lack of staring at him while he made his decision was nice, Guzma's not a deep thinker, and if Nanu watched him meanwhile he might have gotten a little agitated, so being able to be left with his thoughts and decide... well, it certainly helped him figure it out. The look of surprise on Nanu is a nice touch, getting reactions from the older man, no matter how small, was always a win.]
Yeah, guess we do.
[It's strange, and it might not stop being strange for a while, but strange isn't always a bad thing. Guzma likewise makes no move to seal this with a hand shake, not really his style. Besides, he's probably touched Nanu enough as it is in this whole ordeal.
Guzma grins at the little joke, a welcomed change of pace considering everything.]
You sure you gonna be able to handle that?
[He has little intention to overrun Nanu's life or anything, but it's as much of a joke as it is a serious question. Guzma may not always be self-aware, but he knows he's a handful. A point of pride in the past, after all.]
walks out another week later sipping definitely not that
[But he's on the right path, now. Not wholly, and not toward most others outside of his narrow social circle (the good one)... but a right path nonetheless.]
[Nanu snorts, acting irked.]
Don't have a choice, do I. [Then, a little more seriously,] I can tell when you're giving me crap, though. Don't abuse this permission.
[The warning isn't backed by any sort of intense look or terse tone. It's just there, for Guzma to interpret and use how he wishes. And normally that's a dangerous thing to give him.]
Not many people have it.
[Nor do many have any sort of verbal acknowledgement of Nanu's mentorship. If anything, he avoids getting into that sort of trouble like the plague; yet here he is, offering it to one of the most troublesome person he's ever met.]
How dare you
If it helps anything, his own contradictions and flip-flopping often serves him poorly, and leads to his own frustration as well. Of course, even though he does tend to recognize that he's the issue, he has a penchant for abusing himself, and then... not exactly learning from it. That's the issue when you have a fragile ego, but it's overinflated. Like a hot-air balloon made of glass with the flame stuck on high; brittle and hot, threatening to shatter at the smallest touch.
Of course, he's doing better as mentioned. Slowly. Surely. He's getting there, but it takes a lot to get someone back on the right course after they've been lost in the Hinterlands of moral indifference.
Guzma lets out a snort at Nanu's reaction.]
Yeah, you had a choice, you already made it! [He shrugs, smirking. For a second, he almost seems like he's not taking the latter half seriously, but his expression softens just a touch, before he gives him an agreeing nod. His voice has lost that joking edge to it, instead it's a little bit more serious and earnest. But there's a touch of exhaustion to it, this whole thing has been a wild ride of emotion.]
I got no plans to abuse what you're givin' me. I may do a lot of stupid shit, but I'm tryin' not to fuck up what's important no more.
[As much as Guzma might be a self-important jackass who tries to act like the world revolves around him—bonds are greatly important to him. Bonds in Team Skull were greatly valued, and even with Guzma's shitty temper, and how he mistreated them, there was a deep loyalty there between him and his grunts. He doesn't have that now, he gave that up, and so when it comes to making these sorts of bonds and connections... he doesn't want to lose them.
Deep down he has a longing for social connectivity, for a family of sorts. To have those he considers his, but not entirely in some sort of objectifying and possessive sense that kinda dehumanizes the other party. Something mutual and reciprocated. The very thing he lacked in his early life.
Team Skull was basically that, but unfortunately he fucked the dynamic up. However, it's a thing of the past, and while he's been working on himself, there's still a sense of loss. A hole he's trying to fill, even if he doesn't realize it. Maybe this is another step closer to doing just that?]