[she wishes she was surprised to see this. she's not, and she wouldn't have been right up until maybe... her 5th year of living? she's in her nebulous tens of thousands, now. yellow diamond has been scouring the forest for a tradesman she'd seen earlier, but to no avail. instead, she comes across guzma passed out in the grass. is this... is he dead?
bending down, yellow picks guzma up by his ankle, easily hefting him up. she's eight foot, so... hey, at least his head doesn't hit the ground?
[Here Guzma was trying to have a nice nap in the grass. It's not weird or anything to just take a nice snooze in the middle of the woods!! Except maybe when you reek a little of alcohol and bad decisions, but that's just Guzma's natural scent!
His hangover makes Yellow's "assistance" that much worse, and while his hazy mind struggles to make sense of what's happening, his stomach is definitely not feeling this Topsy-turby handling. His eyes shoot open at the hoisting, and the shake, and a hand clasps over his mouth as he tries to hold back the nausea that's threatening to expel whatever contents might still be in him.
Surely this isn't what Yellow Diamond wanted, and neither did Guzma, but he's definitely "on" now.]
[There's a loud sound of pain and surprise from Guzma as he lands on his upper back, narrowly missing his weight landing on his neck, before the rest of him topples over to hit the forest floor hard. Fortunately gravity seemed to not only work to bring him back to the ground, laying helplessly splayed out, but it also helped keep his bile back.
He's a little dazed by the whole thing, the world is spinning, his head is throbbing, and that feeling of nausea is far from gone, even if he can't feel vomit in the back of his throat anymore.]
—Robbed?
[He finally says, his voice is a little raspy and quiet.]
Shit, I aint been robbed, I was sleepin'!
[He makes no effort to move from how he's laying. His back hurts...]
[crossing her arms, yellow bends at her waist to give him a disapproving look. leaning over at almost a perfect right angle.]
I've been led to believe that humans laying outside when they shouldn't be are either dead or in some sort of trouble. Don't you people sleep on... what was it...
[He corrects with a little bit of gruff annoyance. It just now occurs to him just how yellow she is, and he's left gawking at her a little. God, more weird aliens, huh? Or, whatever they'd be considered, he's not sure.
Definitely not human, at least. Finally, he pushes himself up with a grimace, resting on his elbows so he's not just laying there uselessly and prone.]
I, uh. Normally I sleep in one, but last night was a little rough. Guess I didn't quite make it home... y'really didn't need to pick me up and drop me, though, damn.
[He says this so casually, like maybe this is something that just happens sometimes. Getting so trashed that he gives up trying to go home and just. Snoozes here. In the woods. Hm.]
—what're ya doin' out here anyway? You got business with Jill, huh?
[Because he can't think of why else she might be out this way, the cabin can't be too far off, he's pretty sure.]
Please, it was only two foot. Surely you people aren't that fragile! [anyway:] Go to a different location if this one is rough. That seems obvious enough.
[Guzma squints at her, looking a little bit more irritated.]
I'm far from fragile, don't mean I gotta like it none.
[As if to prove a point he stands up, though it's a little wobbly. Sure, his back hurts, but he's used to dealing with pain. The wobble is from being hungover and not fully calibrated in the balance department.]
The location had nothin' to do with it, stupid. I was out drinkin'—do the nanab berry people of your world know what alcohol is, or am I gonna have to explain that one, too?
[Yes, he just called her a banana person. No, he isn't even remotely sorry.]
No you don't know, or no you don't need it explained? Ain't bein' too clear here, lady.
[Even with her criticism about his posture, he does nothing to improve it. If anything, maybe he's slouching a little more just to spite her. No one ever said he was mature.]
Whoddaya think you are—my old lady? Tch! Ain't no one here who can order big bad Guzma around, 'specially not some gaudy yellow chick who's as cocky as she is tall.
[He tilts his head to the side in a sarcastic sort of manner as he looks up at her. His head is pounding, and she's not helping any of that, but he's also too annoyed to back down right now. Not when she's been so shitty and commanding, but also why the hell is she in his neck of the woods anyways?]
What the hell ya doin' out here anyway, if you ain't got biz with Jill—ain't like there's many people livin' out here.
[yellow just rolls her eyes at him, she doesn't really care if he does or not. referring to himself in the third person... honestly, humans are so weird. though... steven does that sometimes and she doesn't mind as much when he does.]
[What the fuck, YD! He just shakes his head and decides she can go fuck herself, he's not explaining shit!
Except maybe why he's asking about her business, but then she tacks on that last bit and he's left a little jolted by the wording. What a way to word it... His expression sours, more than it already was, and he looks off to the side with a scowl.]
I don't belong to her, no... [The indignation that's behind his voice is fueled by something other than annoyance at the idea of being owned.] Just if someone's out here, they'd likely have business with her. 'Less you're out huntin' monsters or somethin'? Point is, we ain't likely to get many people out this way.
What's this to do with ownin' land, yo? Didn't say she owned the whole damn forest.
[Guzma gives her an annoyed, yet baffled look. Also, he doesn't even care about those official documents, all he knows is that Jill has her cabin out here, and it's not exactly a damn neighborhood!]
Yeah, it shouldn't be too far from here. Which I probably ain't gotta tell ya where, seein' as you know so damn much about the property lines or whatever.
[Guzma gestures wide and sarcastic. Sorry, YD, but he woke up on the wrong side of the forest floor. Definitely your fault, there. But then, with candid curiousity:]
A core. With a corresponding element. How can you not know about these things! [she roughly shoves him forward.] Come to the river. I can't end this day knowing there's someone who doesn't know something so simple. Perhaps if you bring one back for this Jill creature you so revere, you might even gain some favour!
Tch! It ain't like there were any of those where I came from, but whatever.
[With the shove forward, he stumbles a little, still not totally coordinated. He shoots her a glare. He doesn't know who this lady thinks she is, bossing him around... yet he seems to be following along regardless. It's pissing him off, but he also has nothing better to do. And maybe he's just a little bit curious about these cores.]
Can't say I think Jill's much of an elemental core kinda lady. Besides, she favors me just fine, not that it's any of your business.
Then don't go talkin' about this shit like you know what's up.
[He's honestly just grumpy, and doesn't care if she actually cares or not. Maybe he's just a little sensitive over the topic, but who knows for certain (we do). Once they're at the river, he lazily watches Yellow Diamond approach a rock like it owes her a fucking debt, and she busts that shit with the same ferocity.
He just... kinda gawks, until that core gets thrown his way and he nearly drops the damn thing. Once it's securely in his hands, he gives it an appraising look over, his brow creasing as if he's a little confused on what he's looking at. Which he kinda is, he didn't even know these things were a thing 10 minutes ago.]
—Guessin' this is the shit you're meanin'? It don't look impressive none. Whaddaya need these things for, anyway?
[Guzma gives her a good ol' roll of the eyes at that. God, this lady must have a stick the size of a tree up her ass. He watches as she bubbles the other one she retrieves, wondering what the hell that even is she just did.
But then she orders him to strike it.
Strike what?
Oh.]
Like... with my fist? What's that gonna do, huh?
[He's not too sure he wants to bloody his damn hand on this thing, especially when he doesn't even know what's gonna happen when he does.]
[Guzma looks like a goddamn drowned Rattata, and he's about as happy as one. The core is on the ground, spewing water, but the gush isn't as much as it was initially. He's glaring at it, but then glaring at Yellow Diamond from where he's sitting.]
You're a dick, y'know that?
[But then, with a semi-defeated tone:]
...Yeah, I didn't even know this shit existed. It's pretty cool.
hey
bending down, yellow picks guzma up by his ankle, easily hefting him up. she's eight foot, so... hey, at least his head doesn't hit the ground?
how do you switch them back on?
she gives him a sharp shake.]
sup
His hangover makes Yellow's "assistance" that much worse, and while his hazy mind struggles to make sense of what's happening, his stomach is definitely not feeling this Topsy-turby handling. His eyes shoot open at the hoisting, and the shake, and a hand clasps over his mouth as he tries to hold back the nausea that's threatening to expel whatever contents might still be in him.
Surely this isn't what Yellow Diamond wanted, and neither did Guzma, but he's definitely "on" now.]
itsa me
unceremoniously, she lets go of him. though... not in a position that he'll just break his neck, otherwise this would be a very short thread.]
You look like you've been robbed.
a jabbas!
He's a little dazed by the whole thing, the world is spinning, his head is throbbing, and that feeling of nausea is far from gone, even if he can't feel vomit in the back of his throat anymore.]
—Robbed?
[He finally says, his voice is a little raspy and quiet.]
Shit, I aint been robbed, I was sleepin'!
[He makes no effort to move from how he's laying. His back hurts...]
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I've been led to believe that humans laying outside when they shouldn't be are either dead or in some sort of trouble. Don't you people sleep on... what was it...
[...]
Shed? You sleep in sheds?
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[He corrects with a little bit of gruff annoyance. It just now occurs to him just how yellow she is, and he's left gawking at her a little. God, more weird aliens, huh? Or, whatever they'd be considered, he's not sure.
Definitely not human, at least. Finally, he pushes himself up with a grimace, resting on his elbows so he's not just laying there uselessly and prone.]
I, uh. Normally I sleep in one, but last night was a little rough. Guess I didn't quite make it home... y'really didn't need to pick me up and drop me, though, damn.
[He says this so casually, like maybe this is something that just happens sometimes. Getting so trashed that he gives up trying to go home and just. Snoozes here. In the woods. Hm.]
—what're ya doin' out here anyway? You got business with Jill, huh?
[Because he can't think of why else she might be out this way, the cabin can't be too far off, he's pretty sure.]
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[that's a no.]
Please, it was only two foot. Surely you people aren't that fragile! [anyway:] Go to a different location if this one is rough. That seems obvious enough.
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I'm far from fragile, don't mean I gotta like it none.
[As if to prove a point he stands up, though it's a little wobbly. Sure, his back hurts, but he's used to dealing with pain. The wobble is from being hungover and not fully calibrated in the balance department.]
The location had nothin' to do with it, stupid. I was out drinkin'—do the nanab berry people of your world know what alcohol is, or am I gonna have to explain that one, too?
[Yes, he just called her a banana person. No, he isn't even remotely sorry.]
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[the answer is both to his "offer" to explain and the rhetorical question.]
You're no good to anyone slouching around and blaming everything on alcohol, are you? Straighten up. Go back to town.
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[Even with her criticism about his posture, he does nothing to improve it. If anything, maybe he's slouching a little more just to spite her. No one ever said he was mature.]
Whoddaya think you are—my old lady? Tch! Ain't no one here who can order big bad Guzma around, 'specially not some gaudy yellow chick who's as cocky as she is tall.
[He tilts his head to the side in a sarcastic sort of manner as he looks up at her. His head is pounding, and she's not helping any of that, but he's also too annoyed to back down right now. Not when she's been so shitty and commanding, but also why the hell is she in his neck of the woods anyways?]
What the hell ya doin' out here anyway, if you ain't got biz with Jill—ain't like there's many people livin' out here.
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[yellow just rolls her eyes at him, she doesn't really care if he does or not. referring to himself in the third person... honestly, humans are so weird. though... steven does that sometimes and she doesn't mind as much when he does.]
What does it matter? Do you belong to this Jill?
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Except maybe why he's asking about her business, but then she tacks on that last bit and he's left a little jolted by the wording. What a way to word it... His expression sours, more than it already was, and he looks off to the side with a scowl.]
I don't belong to her, no... [The indignation that's behind his voice is fueled by something other than annoyance at the idea of being owned.] Just if someone's out here, they'd likely have business with her. 'Less you're out huntin' monsters or somethin'? Point is, we ain't likely to get many people out this way.
[He levels a suspicious stare at her once more.]
So why're you out here, huh?
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[genuinely. do you know how many official documents she's got? probably a worrying amount.]
I was looking for some elemental cores. The river near here, yes?
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[Guzma gives her an annoyed, yet baffled look. Also, he doesn't even care about those official documents, all he knows is that Jill has her cabin out here, and it's not exactly a damn neighborhood!]
Yeah, it shouldn't be too far from here. Which I probably ain't gotta tell ya where, seein' as you know so damn much about the property lines or whatever.
[Guzma gestures wide and sarcastic. Sorry, YD, but he woke up on the wrong side of the forest floor. Definitely your fault, there. But then, with candid curiousity:]
...The hell's an elemental core?
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A core. With a corresponding element. How can you not know about these things! [she roughly shoves him forward.] Come to the river. I can't end this day knowing there's someone who doesn't know something so simple. Perhaps if you bring one back for this Jill creature you so revere, you might even gain some favour!
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[With the shove forward, he stumbles a little, still not totally coordinated. He shoots her a glare. He doesn't know who this lady thinks she is, bossing him around... yet he seems to be following along regardless. It's pissing him off, but he also has nothing better to do. And maybe he's just a little bit curious about these cores.]
Can't say I think Jill's much of an elemental core kinda lady. Besides, she favors me just fine, not that it's any of your business.
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[she strides forward, not actually caring if guzma follows her or not until she gets to the river. once there, she bends down on one knee and just
punches
through the rock
to pull up an inert core. she tosses it guzma's way.]
Hold it.
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[He's honestly just grumpy, and doesn't care if she actually cares or not. Maybe he's just a little sensitive over the topic, but who knows for certain (we do). Once they're at the river, he lazily watches Yellow Diamond approach a rock like it owes her a fucking debt, and she busts that shit with the same ferocity.
He just... kinda gawks, until that core gets thrown his way and he nearly drops the damn thing. Once it's securely in his hands, he gives it an appraising look over, his brow creasing as if he's a little confused on what he's looking at. Which he kinda is, he didn't even know these things were a thing 10 minutes ago.]
—Guessin' this is the shit you're meanin'? It don't look impressive none. Whaddaya need these things for, anyway?
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[or, well, her purpose as well-- even with the freedom afforded to her both here and at home now she's still pretty...
what's a nice word for it...
anal.
yellow pulls another one out the ground and bubbles it, tapping the top to send it away.]
Strike it.
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[Guzma gives her a good ol' roll of the eyes at that. God, this lady must have a stick the size of a tree up her ass. He watches as she bubbles the other one she retrieves, wondering what the hell that even is she just did.
But then she orders him to strike it.
Strike what?
Oh.]
Like... with my fist? What's that gonna do, huh?
[He's not too sure he wants to bloody his damn hand on this thing, especially when he doesn't even know what's gonna happen when he does.]
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[and yet still she doesn't offer any warning for the water that'll explode out of it when he does. oops!]
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[Well, she said the right shit to get him riled, because in the next moment he slams his fist into it.
And it explodes with water.
Knocking him back in both force and surprise, while dropping the core entirely.]
FUCK!
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Trial by fire! Or... water, I suppose. Aren't they fascinating?
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You're a dick, y'know that?
[But then, with a semi-defeated tone:]
...Yeah, I didn't even know this shit existed. It's pretty cool.
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