golisolation | 💀 MoM IC INBOX 💀

[Guzma's silent as she explains, and part of him...agrees. A more selfish, vengeful, and ugly part of him. Yet, despite that, he feels as he does about her. Maybe in a weird way, it's partially to blame. It's drawn him to her, and because of that he's gotten to see her more and more...gotten to understand her a little better.

His eyes pull away from her, looking at nothing in particular as they cast downward, and he finds it difficult to find any words of comfort. Something he's not particularly skilled in to begin with, but even less so when it's to comfort someone over some wrong they did him.

Ariados in the meantime looks...confused. His gaze swapping between Guzma and Lucina respectively, trying to piece this tense puzzle together, but the poor bug doesn't know what happened. Doesn't know what Lucina's guilty of—why Guzma looks so despondent as he does.]

What happened...I don't know if it's something I can forgive, not entirely. [He finally speaks up, leveling his gaze at her. It's stern, serious, but there's no hatred or anger behind it.] But...you didn't know. Ain't seeming like anyone knew what would happen.

The impact don't change, but I see you for who you are, and that counts for somethin'. If anyone gets to call the shots on what side of me you get to see, that's my call to make, yeah?

[fool girl. the beat of silence that follows her admission is practically torture, and gods, it may as well, right? Lucina’s shoulders draw up as she folds her arms to herself, likely to fidget more had him speaking up not stopped her both moving and breathing.

that she didn’t know...well, that’s solid fact. but it means a great deal more, hearing it not just outside herself, but from him. she whips her head around, eyes big, as if she could catch some glimpse of a lie, but...

her tensed-up posture eases a bit as she starts trading apprehension for wonder as he goes on, her chest aching with a now-familiar feeling. scary, yes, but not the terrible fright it once was.]

Ye-yes... I would think so. [her mouth quirks.] I guess I didn’t expect...to be much seen at all. As much more, I mean.

[Maybe it's all her little blunders in such a short time, the sort of risk she's taken in having some drinks with him when she's so unfamiliar with it, the fact she's...giving him any sort of chance at all. It's all framed very weirdly in his mind, it makes sense to him, but to someone else it all probably looks like a total mess. Either way, he's feeling more and more comfortable around her, her sheer honesty and genuine nature coaxing him into relaxing.

The booze doesn't hurt anything, either.]

What can I say? Things change. [Things. Always things.] I ain't gonna front: what you did...[he shakes his head, eyes drifting from her to Ariados. Like her, his lips feel loose with the onset of the alcohol. Maybe this is something they've needed, and he accidentally set it in motion. Just his sort of luck, really.] Ain't much has hurt me worse than that—but I ain't sayin' that to guilt you none, so don't get it twisted, but...I hurt you too, didn't I?

[He...he can understand the lengths she went and why. Hell, she might not have done it if she knew—

His eyes snap back to her.]

...If you knew. Had you known—would you have done it still?

Gods, I hope not. [her expression pinches into a pained one as she shakes her head, her shoulders drawing up again.] That kind of effect...it shouldn’t be something anyone can wield. The fact it even can... [it sets a dangerous precedent she doesn’t like to entertain...but has already done so more than enough already.

for someone who so desperately fights for better days, she’s still a very grim and pessimistic person. sometimes keeping her eyes forward is just out of spite of that. other times it’s to not shame her family. often it’s both.

she exhales a little easier, but she still looks troubled as her eyes flicker to her unfinished drink.]

I know how it feels to lose family. I hate the very idea of being the cause of it.

[He lets her say her piece, watching her as she does so. She's so genuine and honest, it's weird to see. He's so used to the fake faces and empty sentiments of his fellow Alolans. Who, despite the clear evidence of harm they have administered to someone like him, revile him without reprieve. Who stare through him, seeing no responsibility for what he's become. What they did to him.

Lucina's not like that. Even after what he'd done, she's shown some level of regret, some scrap of remorse. Well, more than a scrap, but after getting nothing for so long? Even a shred is monumental. Perhaps that's another thing that drew him in. Made him feel as though he could connect with her on some level.

Why he tried to (very poorly) reason with her, forewarn her against believing everything Aegis might tell her, what Aegis might promise. That many people act as if they have good intentions, but often times truly do not. He didn't want her pure and genuine idealism to be tainted by those who would take advantage of it. Those who might betray that trust.

It's unrealistic to tell someone to trust no one at all, because even Guzma trusts. Even if he tries not to, even if he fears doing it. It's why he builds those walls, why he keeps people out—because he bonds too quickly when he lets people in.

That admittance of having lost family...does hit him in a way. His expression distant and conflicted, but there's something akin to sympathy in his eyes.

He exhales:]

Then that's enough for me.

[Yet, there's a weight in his chest, even as he says it. As he reflects on it. He's a vengeful person. Grudge-bearing and hateful, however he can be utterly forgiving in other regards, particularly to those he's let in. To those he's grown loyal to. This is far more his truer nature, something that's been scuffed up and buried under aggressive defense mechanisms and fear-imbued responses.

The key to Lucina, though, and why it's almost easier in a way to let the hurt be thrown to the wayside (even if only temporarily), is because she didn't betray him. The harm she did was not a breach of trust—he hadn't even known her. She was acting out of her own loyalties, and not from a place of cruelty.

It doesn't change the hurt, but it changes the perception of it.]

I ain't gonna promise that I won't feel a certain kind of way at times about that happenin', but I'm guessin' you get that. But, I ain't gonna be tryin' to hold it against you, neither.

After all, you were hurtin' too. I hurt you—even if you weren't my aim. Even if I didn't know you, or that you even knew who Darin was. So—[Guzma's brow creases as he thinks this over, his brain a little bit of a mess, but he's pretty sure he's gonna mean what he says. At least, it's how he's feeling?]—so I say we're even.

[she didn’t come here for absolution, so more’s the surprise in having gotten any semblance of it at all. part of her would be very quick to rush to stifle this talk and keep things under wraps, the way she does so much, but that part of her has been so battered and suffocated of late that she’d been left nearly crumpled on her kitchen floor just by Darin asking if she was alright at all.

it means more than she can realize, him saying that, so far from either of their respective comfort zones. it’s scary how much it means. how much better she feels about having been so caught up in thinking about him — their kiss, the talk, the changes in expression and tone from before... it might not actually be for naught, and that alone is so heartening.

she’s not sure whether to laugh or cry, really.

she ducks her head for a moment, in no way able to keep eye contact for so long without feeling unbearably vulnerable.]

I believe you.

[she peeks back over.]

And...I’m glad I could hear you out. And hear that. From you.

[It's a dual-pronged sort of effect. It's weird in that regard. What's meant to somewhat comfort her, also comforts him, and he's not sure what to think about it. Announcing that they're even, giving himself permission to let some of that animosity go, untangles some of the tension in his chest. It's made even better with how she reacts, that tension that's been built up, finally giving way.

Even as she looks away, ducking her head, he can tell the difference. There's another wave of relief when she says she believes him. A flutter of something warm (not just the alcohol!!) through him as she says the next part. He's not sure what to say, so he doesn't say anything.

Instead he shifts in his seat, scooting closer to her. There's a lot of thoughts going around in his head right now, but all of them seem to keep coming back to the same thing: wanting to kiss her. It's been something on his mind since they ran into each other, but he's ignored it for one reason or another. Ariados even shifts and takes to the wall to give them some room—look, he might be a spider, but he can read a damn room.

He's not even sure if it's called for, or if she's even on the same page as him, but it's come to a point where words are a little hard to express what he's feeling, and this will do better. At least, he thinks it will. He hopes it will. Lifting his arm, he snakes it around her shoulders, drawing her nearer as he leans in, searching those eyes of hers for any revulsion. If she doesn't push him away, or show any sign of disgust, he'll continue, planting a kiss right on her lips. His own eyes slipping closed, while his free hand rests on her knee.]

[quite the contrary: Lucina doesn’t need much coaxing, because if anything else can make his words more honest, it’s his follow-through. she might’ve hesitated when he scooted over, but even through the buzz of the drink, she can still see quite clearly — and maybe with some of that drink’s help, better respond.

she sits up to better receive that kiss, right away enamored by the feeling it fills her with, and it compels her to turn more toward him, bringing a hand to settle on his chest to help keep upright.

she ought to be ashamed of how much she’d been craving this kind of attention, she knows, but she’ll be damned if she refuses it now. it’s safer than it was before, isn’t it?

there might be a little break for breath, but she doesn’t wait long to kiss him back.]

[It's alarming how much he realizes he's wanted this and needed it. Not just the physical aspects of it, but something a bit deeper. Rooted in years of emotional neglect and isolation. It's fulfilling in a lot of ways, and maybe that's the alarming part. He's kissed before, he's done far more before, but it was all to fulfill something else. Not that there wasn't some baseline emotional stimuli from the acts, but it's...decidedly different.

Here, with her, he feels a bond forming. Something deeper than baseline attraction and sexual need, but something emotionally and romantically charged. This makes the kiss deeper and more passionate than he might have initially meant to be. Her reciprocation (the small break for breaths notwithstanding) fuels this desire all the more. That arm around her holding her more tightly, but not too tightly. Her hand on his chest ignites this even further, and so it's a small surprise that she'll feel his lips part, as his tongue prods against her own.

The hand that's been resting on her knee scales upwards, settling on her hip as he continues to hold and kiss her like this.]

[Lucina makes a faint sound of surprise, still so new as she is to this kind of intimacy as to not have been ready to expect it. she braces against the feeling, somewhat frightened by the unknown, and by how easily he can manipulate her in such a way. it’s so fascinating, though...even just the slightest touch on her leg causes such a sensation, too...!

it wasn’t a fluke, then. that feeling at the infirmary... she’s relieved — grateful, even, that she’d not made such a terrible mistake, all because she’s new to this.

still, when she can catch a breath, she breaks freer, taken by a feeling of shame. her fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt as she dips her head, letting out a shaky exhale before peeking back up at him with a timid smile on her flushed face.]

I-I’m not very...I mean...like I said before, I’ve never...

[The proof that what happened between them was true indeed is what drives this so deeply into his mind. That this...connecticity between them and her continued acceptance of him makes his heart pound, and an electric-like wave pulse through him. Settling in places one might expect in a hot-blooded guy like him.

However, when she breaks away, not only catching breath but allowing herself to speak, he gives her a smile. Something more intimate than his usual smirks. His face is likewise heated, and he's feeling grossly vulnerable.]

S'fine. I know.

[It does put him in an odd position, because he can be a bit assertive with these things, but he also...isn't the type to do so when it's unwanted. With women, or maybe it's mainly been Lusamine, he's found himself more passive, yet he feels the urge to initiate with her. Maybe it's because from her lack of confidence--that he wants to lead her, but not to anywhere she doesn't want. There's something exciting about it, but not because of anything malicious.]

If I do shit you ain't feelin', just lemme know, yeah? Ain't no point if you don't want it.

[So much for being a "bad" dude, huh?]

[the smile he gives her leaves her feeling weak. her own mouth quirks in turn, and she bites on her lip as he offers his assurance. his word — something that she could trust now.

her fingers uncurl and relax on his chest as she nods, still needing to try and wrangle some of her stirred-up nerves. part of her is still afraid, yes, but Lucina is also a person moved by impulse.

she likes the way he looks at her. she likes the weight of his arm over her, the hand at her hip. it’s not just that fresh, new feeling he incites in her, because that’s there in spades. it’s that sense of assurance and security that she always yearns for, something she sees people she loves have...that she lacks. lacked? it seems...]

Alright. Just... [don’t laugh at me? her eyes wince, despite her meek smile.] Don’t get too...carried away. Okay?

[she’s definitely not ready for that. but...the way he kisses and holds her? she really likes that.]

[For all Guzma is a chaotic sort of dude, that's not the case with his loyalties. Not that...he's incapable of breaking trust, or loyalties, he can and he will, but the impetus of such must be greater than them, and that's no easy feat.

Such uncertainty in her and yet the trust she's putting into him despite it all... It's energizing, to say the least. She feels right in his arms, and holding her makes him feel both secure, yet vulnerable. This sort of intimacy and closeness is rare for him, and despite the fact it makes his heart quiver, he doesn't want to back away from it.

He's not sure if its the alcohol that's giving him that extra push to be like this, or if it's just straight up his own desire, but he's not questioning it. He's just going to ride this out.]

I won't, yo. Your boy can control himself.

[After all, did he not chase after Lusamine for two damn years, and the only affection he got was her honeyed words that kept him complacent? Just enough to keep him obedient and hopeful, but never enough to truly satisfy. There is a conflict in him about that, actually. About Lusamine. A feeling of betrayal, in a sense, yet the intricacies of such are a little lost on him.

Once he goes back, it's like none of this mattered, right? Is it truly a betrayal, then? But, at the same time, it's not like they were actually an item...ugh. As his brain starts to trail down this path, there's a conflicted look on his face, the alcohol not helping at all in hiding it. It's not helping him at all with thinking about it neither.

He tries to push past it, though, hoping Lucina didn't notice that weird shift as he goes to brush another kiss to her lips.]

[your boy? should she wonder on that more? about the way his brow pinches for the moment before he moves to kiss her once more? so much new information to process all at once...and yet all her fool mind can fixate on is the nice way it feels to be near him. such worries are better left for troubled sleep and second-guessing in hours alone.

she welcomes his kiss again, more easily coaxed to open her mouth to it, instinctively leaning herself closer to settle more comfortably in the hold he offers. eventually, her hand moves to settle on his shoulder, gently squeezing at it in response to favorable feelings.

after a point, her head is tilted up and she just happens to to just barely open her eyes and sees...

well.

hi, Ariados.

her mouth twitches, stifling a sound before she has to break away and duck her head to stifle an embarrassed laugh, bringing a hand to her face.]

[He's relieved when the kiss goes on without stalling, mainly because he was worried that his face betrayed his innermost thoughts, and that she might ask about it. Instead, she accepts and reciprocates and that helps placate his troubled mind. How close she is to him, feel hand resting on his shoulder, coaxing himself closer as he leans into her touch, into that squeeze.

That is, until she suddenly breaks away and ducks her head. Guzma's left just staring blankly at her, confused and bewildered. He blinks, looks around, and then looks up—

Ah.]

Yo, you gotta be gawkin' at us like this?! Go hang with Masquerain or somethin', man!

[He's not mad, but he's not exactly happy that Ariados didn't take a big enough hint to vacate once they started getting all up in each other's grill. Literally. Ariados just huffs, and marches across the ceiling to the stairs once again.

Guzma's smirking, and shaking his head, his eyes going back to Lucina.]

Sometimes them dudes just ain't got a clue, huh?

[Lucina snickers behind her hand, embarrassed beyond words and unable to look up at all to save face. gods, so many new things all at once, yet not a one at all terrible...it's really a pretty unprecedented thing for her. for how light and strange she feels, she might float away if she's not careful. for her to be kissing anyone at all is still so...!]

I, I don't blame him... [she clears her throat, moving her hand away. she still can't bring herself to look back up, instead leaning against his chest, her arms moving partway to embracing his middle, but stopping short, still unsure of her boundaries.] For how ridiculous I must look...!

[As she leans into his chest, he can feel that flutter inside of it. That all encompassing warmth that seemingly radiates from her, into him. Particularly when her arms move to encircle his midsection, and maybe there's the slightest pang of disappointment she doesn't fully. But it's enough, he won't complain. He merely continues to hold her in his arms, resting his head against the top of hers. Breathing in the scent of her hair as he subconsciously nestles his nose against it.]

Tch, nah. You ain't lookin' ridiculous. No more than anyone else does when they're kissin'.

[Which, he's sure to a lot of Pokémon seems like such a bizarre and weird thing to do. Maybe especially for bugs.]

You're good at that, by the way.

[the compliment tickles her, kind of the way the weight of his hands on her do. it makes her want to squirm a little, but that risks disrupting the comfort she's already gotten. she bites her lip, holding a breath for a minute to listen to the way his words sound with an ear against his chest, spoken in a tempo far calmer than the drumming she can hear. that means he feels similar to the way she does, doesn't it? there's a bit of a thrill in that she can't really grasp.]

...Thanks. [gods, she still feels so silly. honestly, accepting a compliment for something like that?! hardly something she'd have ever considered. a lot of this right now is, though...]

I, ah...I quite like it. Even if I...don't really know what I'm doing. [she hides her face a bit further against his chest, muffling herself, as if that makes what she says and feels less silly.] I thought about it a lot. For that week...

[the week when she was supposed to be doing proper soul searching, not sitting up fantasizing about a kiss with a guy who was ready to die before accepting a band-aid!]

[He can't help but be endeared by her starting and stopping. The way she trips over her words as she tries to admit something so simple. At least to him it is. It's such a contrast to how she holds herself in a fight, physical or verbal. Maybe that's why he finds it charming, instead of frustrating. He's attracted to power and confidence, and she does have both, yet she's so vulnerable in this situation. In this relationship with him.]

Mmm, yeah? Well, you ain't alone there—in liking it and thinkin' about it, I definitely know what I'm doing, yo.

[There's that ego of his, but his tone is more playfully egotistical and confident, than anything meant to make her feel inadequate.

Though, admittedly, it wasn't just the kiss he was thinking about for that week...but he's a nasty goblin, so small surprise there. His mind just...goes places. HOWEVER, to his credit, there was a lot of thoughts about his feelings towards her, and what all of it meant. It's why, ultimately, he did reach out to her. Why he wanted to pursue this.

If it were just a passing fancy, that'd be one thing, he could get over that easily. He just knew it was something more.]

...Uh, thanks...by the way.

[Now it's his turn to sound a bit awkward. That alcohol is still giving him some loose lips it seems.]

[what he's doing-- gods, does he? does he actually know what he's doing to her? making her feel like this? and so easily... not that she's worked too terribly hard to fight it, of course. but still. all he'd needed was one softened look, one careful move of his hand, and all of this had come crashing into place to the present. she can't really fathom her role in it beyond being so easily swayed, and that's part of what makes things scary.

and now a thank-you? unpredictable things just keep on coming.]

...What for?

Uh...

[God, why can't people ever just accept things as they are? Why does he have to go explaining it. Can't it ever just be a simple "thanks" "no prob!"? No, she has to go asking what for, as if she shouldn't already know! His face heats as he tries to will the ability to explain himself, as he tries to steady that jumbled and buzzed brain of his.

For all he's sweeping her off her feet, she's repaying him in kind. Less sweeping in the romantic sense, and more sweeping his feet so he goes tumbling down the stairs of talking about his feelings. There's a noise that leaves him, something almost like a long suffering groan as he debates with himself on whether to answer her how he knows he should or not. His brows pinch together as his eyes squeeze shut in frustration, and maybe he's hugging her a little tightly as he fights with himself to just fucking say something.

Incredible how he can't seem to shut the fuck any other time, and now he's here grasping for words.]

Y'know, for...for—

[Why is this hard? Showing proper appreciation, and talking about something that means something to him? Being vulnerable like this. Too bad she can't see that cute nose scrunch he does when he's frustrated right now, she's missing one hell of an expression nestled against his chest like this.]

Fuck! Just, givin' me a shot—I guess? That's what I'm tryin' to say, here. Coulda taken the chance to—shit—it don't matter, forget it.

[Why did he have to say anything, why couldn't he have just left it on her feeling awkward about kissing, why did he have to say anything...]

[oh...

she would've sat up to see his suffering, but he'd hugged her substantially tighter to himself, and she was a bit reluctant to go against that. all that starting and stopping, not unlike what she'd been doing, that hammering heart...

giving him a shot, huh? is that what it's called? that's what she's doing, then? days before it was 'figuring things out.' whatever things were. this all really started when she made the decision to try and understand him, right? give him a shot, as it were. and she'd thought it was going to be for naught, considering that hostile front of his.

but...he says he can see the real her. that he can see she's not playing those games he's keen to accuse others in her position of? and maybe that's why he means more than a first kiss to her.

he's really trying, isn't he. to find her on common footing, to understand and relate. not just for a touch or a kiss, because surely he could find that anywhere he liked, considering his outgoing personality and his looks? right? there'd be better ways to satisfy that need without someone so uncertain and new to the prospect...

carefully, Lucina's arms wrap fully around his middle to lace her fingers together behind him, letting her shoulders relax. much of the chaotic energy those drinks she'd quickly gulped down was drained out, even if the lingering, floaty buzz was still there.]

...I won't take this for granted, Guzma. I can promise that much.

[He feels like such an idiot right now, all jumbled and weird. He's never been good at these kinds of feelings. Anger? Frustration? Disdain? All of those were things he was far more familiar with. Far more comfortable showing to anyone and everyone. It made him feel powerful, feared, untouchable.

But this? This made him feel fragile and uncertain, and it makes his heart feel like it's about to explode with how much its thumping in his chest. He can hear it in his ears almost better than he can hear her promise—but he does hear her promise.

Maybe he is just a fool jumping too deeply into something he maybe shouldn't. Letting her in like this when he should keep his walls up. Letting her get so close, when he should keep her at arm's length. Yet, he let her in. Let her get close—hell, he's holder her in his damn arms and was kissing her not that long ago. The alarms have not stopped sounding in his head since they first kissed, yet he's decided to ignore them. Because something else, something more important than his broken defense mechanisms, is being satisfied with this.

He wants to believe her when she tells him that. That she won't take this for granted. It's difficult and hard to, and maybe that's why he's silent afterwards, opting to just hold her like that as he tries to get his mind to settle itself. The fact she's holding him more fully now does help a bit, giving him a comforting surge of warmth through him as relaxes a bit.

He knows she's genuine and honest, and maybe that's something he's not entirely sure how to handle. How to deal with it. Not when he's conditioned to see everyone as a liar for his own safety, even if that harms him just as much, if not more.]

...I know you won't. That ain't what you're about. You're too good to play that shit, Lu.

[Probably too good for him, if we're being honest here, but that's a far off thought, and not one that belongs here. Not in this moment.]

[if there's anything Lucina can really understand, it's taking on responsibility. maybe not understanding the entire scope? but she's well trained to bear a burden or five. she doesn't rightly know the weight of a wary heart like Guzma's, but it won't stop her from being willing to shoulder it, protect it. if it means having him look at her with that smile again, to kiss her and mean it, and know her... it's well worth the weight.

she can't help but smile, despite the fear of the unknown.]

I'm glad you know that to be true. Because it is. [there's a bit of pride in her assertion, because of course there is.] And I don't make empty promises just to appease people.

[she's not very keen on them, anyway. not since her father and mother promised to come back to her.

she has to give up some of that hold to sit up and lift her head to peer at him, her smile small, despite the bit of defiance against it in her eyes.]

I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing right now. [such blunt, fearless honesty!] But I like being right here. So long as you do, too, then...I'll be content with that. And...as you said before. Try to...think on my feet. [her mouth quirks a little.]

Agreed?

[His heart is like a hurricane: turbulent, chaotic, and destructive. But, if she's willing to brave that, then she'll certainly find herself at the eye. Where that gentleness is hidden from everyone on the outside. Perhaps she would be better off pursuing someone less dangerous, less...dysfunctional, but sometimes that's just not how these things go. Storm chasers don't choose their love of storms, it's just who they are, and they can either embrace it, or ignore it. One choice leads to dangerous fulfillment, and the other leads to careful monotony.

As she speaks, he listens. Warring that uncertainty in his chest with what he knows in his head. She has proven, time and again, that her word is her code, so that fearful quiver in his chest has no right to be there. It frustrates him, but he's known for a long time now, there's nothing he can do about it. It's always there. Maybe it always will be.

When she pulls back, he lessens his own grip so that she can move as she wishes. Looking down at her to meet that gaze, catching that smile which warms him, and that defiance in her eyes that stills him. As she goes on, he feels his own smile start to pull at the corner of his mouth.

It's so ridiculous. How honest she is about this, how easy it is for her to say her inadequacies like it's nothing. Particularly in a situation where she should be guarding herself. Where she shouldn't be so vocal to the person who could exploit her, who could betray—but that just speaks of her trust, doesn't it? She trusts him...doesn't she?

That last part knocks him from his trailing thought, bringing the smirk to his face where it had scantly faded for a moment, and he nods.]

Yeah—yeah, I agree. I like this—I like...us.

[Hmm, that certainly makes his heart pound a bit, funny how that keeps happening.]

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