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[golisolation]

"Yo, it's the hated boss that beats you down, and beats you down, and never lets up... Yeah, big bad Guzma is here—well, I ain't, actually. Leave a message and ya boy will get back at ya. Later days, dude."

TEXT / AUDIO / VIDEO / ACTION

Comments

laughs about this with the above thread

[h2no]

nice party last night






fucked nanu btw

INCREDIBLE

[golisolation]

[THIS IS NOT A TEXT CONVERSATION, YOU PICK UP THAT RINGING PHONE RIGHT THIS FUCKING INSTANT.]

[h2no]

[he lets it almost ring out.

then picks up.]

Yo! [LIKE HE DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT]

[golisolation]

[And guzma almost chucks his phone against the wall in his impatience!!!

Good thing Archie picked up.]

WHAT?!

[h2no]

[enjoy the sound of him cackling like the shitty bitch he is.]

You read it! I'm just sayin', it was a good party!

[golisolation]

Look, I know you're a fuckin' idiot, but don't you play dumb with me--you fucked Nanu?

Nanu. Old, grouchy, too tired to fuckin' exist or deal with fuckin' anythin' Nanu?

[Guzma just sounds...floored. Because Archie can answer properly, Guzma continues, sounding less shocked, and more contemplative.]

Y'know, I always had a feelin'...

[h2no]

Don't call the pot, kettle.

[there's a brief moment when he thinks, shit, because he's obviously outed nanu, but...

ah, he'll talk to the guy and apologise later. can't imagine he won't get a laugh out of guzma's shriek at least.]

Oh, yeah. Gonna marry him and replace you immediately, [that is clear it's a joke.] Y'know, this is probably the worst time to ask, but I'm gonna power ahead anyway. What's up with you two?

[golisolation]

Yeah, you would do that wouldn't you?

[God...]

Fuck, Arch. I know I said there's no point in gettin' drunk if y'ain't gonna do somethin' stupid, but I didn't mean for you to fuckin' plunder ass from the old folks home...

[Guzma can't help but feel partly responsible for this, not that he feels guilty. This isn't something to feel guilty over, this is just STUPID!!

At Archie's question, he hesitates. His tone having just as much hesitancy when he answers:]

He's a dude I know from home. Why?

[h2no]

[he snorts at how guzma describes it; can't help it.]

I'm gonna start thinkin' you plundered 'fore me if you ain't clearer.

[golisolation]

Oh, don't go pullin' me into your old person fetish, dude.

[Says the dude who chased a lady twice his age, um.]

...He's a Kahuna--the Kahuna of the island that my team and I made our home on. Nanu ain't like the others, he gets how fucked up the traditions are, what it's like bein' a bit of an outsider in the face of tradition and "normality". So, he ain't entirely against the chaos and shit me and my team dish out.

He ain't one of us, but...

[Guzma says that much, lets that hang in the air, because maybe he feels a little odd about it. Odd about this situation. He's never been sure how to regard Nanu, he's not exactly an ally? But...he's also not an enemy. He's one of the few that recognizes Guzma for his strength, yet he's powerless to make the difference that Guzma wants.]

...Anyway, that's about it. Dunno why it matters what he is to me.

[h2no]

Dunno. Guess I wanted to make sure I didn't fuck your uncle, or something.

[he hums, clearly interested in this explanation.]

Probably better he of all Alolans were ported in then, aye?

[golisolation]

Tch, yeah don't worry about that. I wouldn't even know if y'did.

[It's not like he even knows his extended family, but that's to be expected when you have the shitty family situation that Guzma does...]

He stays outta my way. Dunno if that'd be the case were any of the other Kahuna showed up. Better it don't happen--for their sake.

[h2no]

Heh.

[not sure what he's hehing at. could just be the situation or guzma's attempt at being nonplussed.]

Guess I gotta do you a solid and romance any others that show up, huh?

[golisolation]

If fuckin' 'em keeps 'em outta my way, guess I can't complain.

[A momentary pause, then:]

...But don't tell me you and Nanu ain't just a one time fling.

[h2no]

And to think my mom told me I wouldn't get anywhere in life.

[she didn't. he loved his mother. he feels immediately bad for saying that.]

Huh? I ain't plannin' more, if that's what you're gettin' at.

[golisolation]

Cathartic when you prove your folks wrong, huh?

[He picks up on the joking, but even so, what he says is only half of one. Not that...he has any issues with his mom, not really anyway.]

Good, I really don't wanna haveta think about you goin' in for sloppy seconds. Or, him doin—y'know what, lets just drop that whole fuckin' train of thought.

I can't believe my idiot ex-husband fucked Nanu, what a time to suffer bein' alive...

[h2no]

Mmm. [maybe not his own folks, but other people. as many mistakes as he made, archie feels like he managed to prove a couple people wrong. maxie, mostly.] Oh, it won't be sloppy, Guzma. I know we never consummated our marriage, but I try to keep sloppy out of it.

[that's a lie, what happened was.......... 250% sloppy.]

Aye, and he enjoyed your suffering, too. I hope the image haunts you.