golisolation | 💀 MoM IC INBOX 💀

[she smiles kind of lopsidedly, amused by the thought in her head that maybe her world was more keen on the tradition of love. that's a cute notion!]

Huh-? [she blinks, snapped out of that thought.] What? About...my aunt? Her husband?

No, not that!

[Lucina stop daydreaming about romantic notions for five seconds, jeez!]

What ain't I needin' to worry about here? Like, you meanin' the prejudices against people like you and people like me dating? 'Cos, hate to break it to ya, but people are hella shitty about that kinda crap still.

[Not as extreme, but there's a lot of judgmental people. Not that he cares, but he sees what people have said about them, he knows by the general societal view that he's more than unfit for her. Hell, even he thinks so, and while his reasons aren't fully because of that, he can't deny that is an allure to her in the fact she's of a higher social class than him.

Them power dynamics will be the death of him, honestly.]

Edited 2020-02-22 23:48 (UTC)

Wh-!

[she looks pretty bamboozled by that, blinking at him in confusion.]

That's...not what I was talking about? [right?? she's...pretty sure. did her mouth mess up??] I, I meant, because...you think...I mean, you think marriage is just--a, a joke, right? So, so why would you worry about it in another world?

Oh.

[That...makes sense.

He was asking about it because he was just curious about where her own standards came from, whether she was in line with how it works back there, or if she was working against the norm in being with someone like him. If she was pushing social boundaries, or if she was well within them.

That, and the fact she's so reserved a lot of the time about these things, he figured it'd be more strict, but apparently not. A lot of that hinged on the idea of marriage and what it should be, how it should be conducted, and with whom.

Caught a little off guard, he glances away from her, his face heated and not just because of the alcohol.]

I wasn't worried about it in another world, I just wanted to know what you thought of it...or your expectations of it, or whatever.

[Uh, god can he have a do-over here, he's not sure how to get outta this topic now without seeming like he's utterly dismissing the whole thing, and that's not fair to her. Especially when he brought it up in the first place.]

But you ain't wrong...I guess I just don't see the appeal, and maybe that's 'cos I'm jaded over Alola's moldy traditions and all of that...or it seems like some unnecessary pompous spectacle. I dunno.

[Like half of what he does couldn't be described as that?

He pauses, then glances at her a little sheepishly. He can't help but think about that conversation with Nanu, and even if he's no where near the right mental place or emotional maturity to truly consider that with anyone right now, he can't help but wonder...]

Is marriage all that important to ya?

[he's not the only one getting red in the face.]

It... It's not about spectacle. [she fidgets a little, uncrossing her legs and letting her feet dangle, crossed at the ankle. her fingers are curled against her jaw and chin for lack of place to be and a fidgety need to be doing something.]

It's the promise. And...the intention. It's...acting on words. To not just say to be there, but to be there, and. And friends and family hear it, too. It makes it loud and clear to everyone else, no...no misconceptions or guesses.

[she's not as drunk as she was at the onset, but still talking about things that move her...moves her. she gets a little choked up and misty eyed, and she's embarrassed for it.]

And it means there's...always going to be something to hang onto of the one you love most...even if they've gone far away.

[a ring, not a broken door or an empty room.]

But why's it gotta be that? That's what I don't get.

[He doesn't sound upset or annoyed, even if he's talking a little forcefully at the start.]

Why's it gotta be this big show—with all the stress and traditional Bulushit. Why's that the show of intent, and not the every day stuff that someone does? Anyone can fake a weddin', it's a whole lot harder to fake stayin' with someone.

[As he's speaking, he gesturing with his free hand, as if emphasizing his points somehow.]

I could go on the network right now and profess my feelin's about you, but it don't mean as much just 'cos we ain't all dressed up and followin' some script written by some dudes who arbitrarily decided that this is how you show your love for someone? Tch!

Edited 2020-02-23 01:10 (UTC)

[she fidgets again, starting to fluster. it's not fair to bring up a topic like this when she wasn't walking into this one prepared! pulling answers out on the fly is hard!!

after a little huff:]

Well, I...I don't know how it goes for where you're from, Guzma. But...but the celebration, even if it lacked sincerity, as you would suggest in some cases...it still brought people together. Gave them something to be happy about.

[pouting a little, she looks away.]

I-it sounds nice to me. To be able to...share that kind of happiness. And get so much good will in turn...

[her face gets redder as she mumbles:] ...And wear a dress like that...

[It takes him a second to realize how much he's taking a heaping insensitive shit on something that Lucina clearly cares about...and so he settles a bit, looking at her with a bit of guilt behind his eyes. Man, this sucks. Because like he told her before, he wants them both to be true to themselves, but this is just something that's hard to do that with.

She clearly wants to be married at some point, but Guzma's pretty sure he isn't the sort to get married. He's stubborn in his beliefs, sees the whole thing as silly, and maybe there's some anxiety around something so permanent. It's not like he's used to stability in any form, or not being able to run away if the need calls for it.

A divorce is hardly a quick process.]

...I guess that's fair, but maybe this whole conversation's a little silly.

[And in a horrible effort to give her some form of comfort, he adds:]

I mean, it ain't like you'd marry a guy like me, anyway!

Edited 2020-02-23 01:23 (UTC)

[her eyelid twitches, cheeks puffing up briefly as she bristles.]

O-only because you wouldn't bother to ask!

[that said, she wiggles her fingers free of his so she can fold her arms, drawing her knees up and digging her heels into the edge of the sofa, looking a bit too childish to be talking about grown things like marriage.]

...What?

[That...surprises him. Not just her taking her hand from his, but her admittance that...she wants...to...marry...him?? That's what she implied, right? It's only because he wouldn't ask, because he doesn't want it...

But she...does...

Guzma can't help but gawk at her for a long moment, his heart thumping in his chest. It's was a whole lot easier talking about this thing when he believed that he'd be outta the question in such matters. For all their promises to stay together, to be loyal, to see this future between them, he assumed there'd be an expiration date.

Not because he'd eventually leave her, but because he figured she'd eventually leave him. That she'd wake up and realize that he was just a stepping stone till she found someone better, someone more deserving of her affections. Someone more equal to her, and not just in the love that they showed and the loyalty they maintained, but in everything else he's lacking.

So there he sits, gawking at her, eyes wide with surprise, and looking almost more of a fool than she does with her child-like pouting.]

[she double-takes when she sees the flabbergasted look on his face, her own twisting with alarm.

oh no. did she break him? did she say something stupid?

...wait. what did she say? about--

oh.

right.

she gulps, clears her throat, then gulps again, drawing her shoulders up and looking away, the fluster telltale by her burning-red ear in view.]

But, but it's just a big joke to you, so I'd say no anyway! Because...I don't want to be part of...some. Some insincere parade. So. So you can put your mind at ease!

[yeah!!!

she is not at ease.]

But if I, if I meant it..?

[He's still looking at her like he's a Deerling in headlights, his voice hesitant and almost quiet. A clear uncertainty behind it, like he's afraid of the answer—regardless of what it might be.]

[frustrated:] Yes, of course! If you meant it! I meant every word I said before and now! Why would I refuse such an important thing?

[the answers are not obvious at all, not the way they are to Guzma. it just makes sense to her: she promised him over and over to be at his side, as he at hers.]

...Oh.

[He deflates in his seat, feeling...odd. Like, yeah, they talked a lot about loyalties and all of that, and even he knows that marriage isn't a totally permanent thing, especially not anymore...but to someone like Lucina?

That's...big, and he wonders if it's from her inexperience. He doesn't doubt her feelings or how intense they are, but he's a victim of his own emotions at times, how his passions (whether good or bad) push him towards impulsive decisions.

Would he just be a impulse driven mistake to her? Would he be a regret?

Running a hand through his hair, he looks away from her and off to the side, staring at nothing in particular.]

I know you meant what you said, but that's such an important thing to you. How can you be sure you wouldn't regret it?

I don't know.

[she's blunt, still sounding a touch annoyed by being prodded, but if she were truly put out, she'd stop responding outright. she wants to be heard on something like this, even if she doesn't feel as though she does.]

I can't...control the future. Even tomorrow, which is just hours away. I can only be sure of myself here and now.

[and she knows, remembering with a thump of her heart, that she'd say yes in a second. for as much as she loathes the pain of broken promises, she still craves the promise of sharing rings, sharing lives, the way her parents had. she is young, and her view of it all is still skewed from not knowing it herself, but she lacks the fear of it crumbling the way he does.]

[Silently he nods, not knowing what to do or say. The awkwardness is palpable, and he even looks a bit drawn in on himself. Like he's trying to make himself small, but that's laughably absurd, considering how big he is. There's a very real and strange fear within him that even he can't explain, but also guilt.

It's just another way he's going to fail her or disappoint her. Another way that'll push her away from him. He won't be able to meet her need for this, and she'll seek someone else. When it was just a self-hate fueled musing, that was different, but here it's all but confirmed: she's going to leave him eventually.

At least, in his mind, that's what this tells him. There's no way that he's more important than her ideals, than her beliefs...]

...But, you know, right here and right now, you'd regret never gettin' married at all, right?

[The words sound forced out and distant.]

[he's going off somewhere with her words again, and she has to look back over to get some sense of where he's taking them. but looking at him doesn't make it any more clear -- in fact, seeing the way he's changed tone and posture only adds to the puzzle; part of her expected him to just blow this all off -- this stuff and nonsense he doesn't buy into.

another part of her already knows better.]

...I don't know. [her voice is quieter, drained of the puffed-up irritation from earlier.] Right here and now...I'm still...I'm still just grateful to be here at all, the way I am.

The way we are.

[That pulls his eyes to her, his brow pinching together tightly.]

...I am too—I don't want nothin' to change between us, but I just gotta wonder if you really know what you're signin' up for with me.

[With a blink, his eyes flick their gaze away from her as he grimaces.]

I know how we feel about each other but...can you really stay with a dude like me for the long haul? Are you prepared for that sorta burden?

[He knows he asked that before, asked if she knew what she's getting herself into. The answer, the true and honest answer is no, and he knows that. He knows she doesn't have all the information there is about him, there's more for her to discover and see for herself.

Hell, her reaction in seeing the aftermath of one of his fits says a lot on its own, she hasn't even seen him in a full blown episode. Hasn't experienced that...doesn't know a lot about his past, or why he is the way he is.

How can she be so damn dedicated to damaged goods like him?]

Guzma.

[her tone's flatter than she means it to be, but there's still drink in her. she looks back at him, her chin resting on her knees, arms wrapped around her legs.]

We fought through the end of the world, and that wasn't even the worst of it. And I still want to be at your side. I don't know...what more I can tell you that I know for sure.

[her expression pinches a bit with a wave of unexpected emotion.]

I want to see you every day. And talk, and fight and laugh and all the other things that can happen in a day. You can ask me that every day...and I'll answer it.

...Right.

[He's not even sure what he's trying to accomplish here? Scare her away so he doesn't have to get his hopes up too much, so when they come crashing down again it doesn't hurt so bad? Trying to make her leave as some weird way of running away without being the one doing it?

His mind is flipping through so much right now, that he's not making sense, and he's making her repeat herself. He knows how she feels, what she wants, and maybe that's what scary. That he won't be able to keep that up, that he'll just be another failure, that he'll continue to prove that he's not worth anything, that he's the useless good for nothing that Alola's always seen him as.]

...I know that—I don't know where I'm going with this.

[He shakes his head, looking at her again, he looks tired and a little sad.]

Kinda silly to get so worked up over something I claim to have no stock in, huh?

I don't know. [she really doesn't -- she doesn't know where either of them are going!

she sighs, unfolding herself a bit to sit back, looking his way. after a moment, she starts to reach over for his hand.]

It's worth wondering about, I think. And at least you bother to hear what I think about the stuff you don't really want much stock in at all. I appreciate that. [she makes a face.] I just...don't want to think too much on it right now. My head kind of hurts.

[Her hand is easily met with his own, once he saw her reach for him, he offered his for her to take. Once he feels her touch, it sends a jolt of warmth through him, that tingle of comfort that only her touch seems to give. That throb of affection pulsing through him, giving him Pidgy bumps in its wake.]

Yeah, think we talked about it enough.

[Using that hold, he gently tugs her towards him, shifting himself so that she can more easily cuddle up to him.]

But, uh...this has given me some shit to think about, yo.

So your head can hurt, too. [she smirks for a moment before scooting over, lifting his arm up and over her shoulders to secure her spot against him. she sighs, letting her head rest on his shoulder. it's such a comfort to be able to set aside serious talk for a while to just enjoy being present and together, knowing no affection was lost. rather, having an inkling that they've only secured their bond a bit tighter somehow...yes, that's comforting, too.

she kind of wishes it wasn't that warm in here, but she'd rather be overly warm with him than without.]

About the only way to make it hurt, huh?

[He shoots back with his own little smirk. As she settles against him, his arm being put around her, his body relaxes as it usually does in her presence. He's not kidding, though. He's got a lot to think about, a lot to consider and reconsider...

It's hard, so hard when he's lived such a way for so long, believed as he has for just as long. But he strangely feels more secure with her, that even with their different thoughts on the matter presented, she still chooses to cuddle up to him. Chooses to stay with him. Even if he can't give her what she wants, she hasn't pushed him away.

And even if he thinks she will one day, that he'll use up his chances and fail her one time too many, right here and now he feels safe and secure. Loved—no less than before, and perhaps more...

His thoughts are disrupted when he feels a little bit of sweat from her as his arm rests on her, and he realizes the heater has been on blast this whole time.]

Yo, Golisopod! [A grunt.] Turn the heater off, yeah?

[Golisopod reaches over and just...smashes the thing with his big bug paw, much to Guzma's surprise and annoyance. HE KNOWS THE ASSHOLE KNOWS HOW TO UNPLUG IT!!]

Yo, what the fuck dude! Don't wreck shit just 'cos you're feelin' lazy!

[the sheer nonchalance with which Golisopod cracks that heater makes Lucina jump a little, and she quickly stifles the gasp and laugh that escapes her. once she's got that wrangled, she reaches out, wiggling her fingers.]

Oh! You're just using a patented Guzma-way of operating things, aren't you? Come here...! [she wants to scritch!!]

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