golisolation | 💀 MoM IC INBOX 💀

[That just makes him feel worse, like he's failing her. He's failing everything they've been through, because he can't seem to shake this bond he has with Lusamine.

She was the first to accept him, to acknowledge him, to give him the attention and validation he's craved for so, so long... She was the one who resurrected his long since dead hope, given him something to fight for—other than his hopeless battle against the Island Traditions. She was gonna help him become somebody...

But Lucina, she's also been here with him. She's loved him and adored him, shown him kindness like no other. Been gentle, understanding, and patient with him. She's made him truly and genuinely happy.

But so has Lusamine.

But Lucina—]

Nah, it ain't you who's gotta become somethin' more ...Maybe one day I'll be worthy of you, but I ain't. Not yet, not as I am.

[He doesn't look at her, keeps his face hidden, but he does crush that cigarette in his hand, not giving the slightest shit how it burns against his skin. It's only for a second, anyway, and then he's flicking it away.]

'Cos you ain't lackin' nothin'. You're—we don't always see eye to eye, we don't always get each other, but that ain't no fault of yours...

[she frowns, stuck on that worthiness part. there's more to say on the rest, but--]

Don't say something like-- Like you have to go away and quest for your worth? [she has a limit of one loved one on a spirit quest at a time, and Darin's already gone; her heart can't take any more people leaving her, especially not this idiot here!] You don't even know what value you have, you're the one who was asking me about deserving-- you can't just turn around and decide you already know now...!

[is she making sense at all? she can't tell; her worry is getting the better of her and she's just speaking her heart unchecked again; she clams up, pressing her lips tightly together, her fingers still curled on his knee, not sure of what to do, but reluctant to let go.]

[That snaps him out of his little slump, his head jerking up to stare at her a little bewildered. He hadn't meant...he didn't mean to imply—]

Lu, I ain't goin' no where—but you can't go and tell me that what I'm givin' is at all equal to what you're givin' me.

Don't you see how fucked that is?

[His lingering gaze falls to her hand on his knee, the hand that held his face now holds her tightly curled hand, trying to ease his fingers between her own.]

But I ain't gonna abandon you—we made a promise, and that'd just trash what value I do got if I went and broke it.

[Finally, his gaze flicks back up to meet hers, his face still conflicted and a bit strained, but...it's warmer than before. Her passion has such an effect on him, it's almost scary.

Actually, it kinda is, but maybe he likes that.]

Nah, what I'm sayin' is...I gotta do better than I am, but how the fuck am I gonna do that without you? I can't.

Guzma-- [she has to fight another impulse to apologize, to cut into his explanation, to offer some slapdash fix or close to the issue as impulse wants her to, but his hand halts her, and she stays quiet and still.

it's weird to find that she feels some manner of pride from all this. pride for his sake, that he'd be willing to swallow his own to show this quality of character. or, if she were to look at it from his angle more, his want to have this quality of character.

she's proud of him; he's far more than she'd ever given him credit when she first knew of him.]

If. That's...what you want to do, I will be there. [...] And...even if it's not. I'm still here. I want to be. Please don't...be unhappy with that... [her hand fidgets a little, relaxing her fingers to let his slip between them.] You're already good to me.

[she doesn't see it -- the unbalanced scales he sees so plainly.]

[So selfishly does he want to just accept her standard for him, accept that she'll let him get away with this inequality, but he can't. He'll take advantage of most anyone, but Lucina's different. He loves her and isn't interested in just taking from her. He wants to provide just as much as she does.

He gives her hand a squeeze, his expression still conflicted, but softer for her words. Warmer for her reassurances.]

I can't ever be unhappy with you by my side.

[for a moment, she seems mollified enough to let it end at that, but a thought floats up to mind. she blinks, then tilts her head slightly, her mouth quirking.]

That...isn't fair though, is it. Since you let me be grim all the time. You can be, too. Sorry, I'll take it back. You get to be you...whoever that you is. And I'll be me?

I think that might be better...

[she hopes so; she feels another flip of embarrassment, aware she's been tripping on her own tongue with thoughts too slippery to speak quite right with a head full of drink.

slipping onward:] I'm glad you said more about...about those things. [her. that other woman whose name starts with "Lu."] I worried a...a bit. Maybe stupidly. I won't anymore, though.

No that--

[He wasn't meaning to imply some perpetuate state of happiness when she's around, that'd be fake. That wouldn't be genuine, that wouldn't be...happy.]

What I meant is...I'm happy with you--bein' with you. I ain't gonna hide my emotions or pretend I'm somethin' I'm not, but you...make me happy.

[Which shouldn't feel so strange to admit.]

But it wasn't stupidly...I haven't been super up front with this shit, I've left you hangin'...

[He pauses a moment, thinking something over, before adding:]

So, how about this? If you got questions for your boy, he'll answer 'em. You deserve answers, so come at me, ok?

I, I will. [she looks a bit concerned still, but her eyes are bright, eager to take what he offers. maybe it really is uneven, the amount they give each other, but she doesn't think of it that way at all, and certainly not now.] And likewise! You should...I mean, don't hold back, either. Whatever you want to know, I want to share. Okay?

[this is a weird conversation; the dread topic that she'd let slip out is leading to...some kind of exciting turn in things somehow. unspoken loyalties being properly said and cemented.

it makes her excited somehow.]

Deal.

[Finally, after all of that, he offers her a slight smile. Almost feeling better about this all. He opens his mouth to say something else, but someone interjects--the lump of a bug on the ground that's been listening in the whole time. The noise hadn't woken him, but rather Guzma's smoking.

The talking's why the big lug didn't take the cigarette out of his hand. He doesn't move from his spot, merely makes a loud churring noise at the two of them, followed by a huff.]

...If you got somethin' to say, get off the ground then--or don't interupt at all, ya dumb bug.

[Another huff, but no attempt to rise. Guzma rolls his eyes, and goes back to focusing on Lucina.]

Anyway...I do actually got a question for ya.

[Lucina's attention is pulled to Golisopod, too, and for a second she looks surprised -- she forgot he was there for a while! but she smiles fondly despite the huff and puff, her brow pinched apologetically; it's probably not easy to nap when half-drunk people are spilling their guts and fumbling around like this.

at anyway, she looks back, and her eyebrows lift.]

What's that, then?

Back home--where you're from.

[He knows things are all doomsday and gloom, but...]

I guess, before everything went tits-up for you, did you have anyone? Or, even before I showed up, I know you've been here longer than me. I know I was your first in a lot of ways, but I wasn't ever entirely sure if that was just with kissin' and fuckin'.

[Maybe he could have put it less crudely like that, but he's several beers in, and so he's definitely more loose with his words.

It's not that he wants her to have had someone, but it's certainly something he wondered. Maybe not even a full on relationship or anything like that, but she's a princess... Usually royalty, or even just rulers in general have planned or arranged marriages. Did she have someone? Did she lose them? Did she leave them behind?]

[she blinks. as far as questions go, that's one questions he didn't expect. it brings fresh color to her face, and though her fingers twitch a moment, they stay laced with his.]

No, I...I didn't. [she bites her lip a moment, hesitating.

then:] For a little while, there was...someone who I thought, maybe...but. [she shook her head.] He vanished before I could ever make my wishes clear. But I had never kissed anyone before, let alone... [all the rest. she shrugs a little, looking away embarrassed.]

[Guzma watches her closely as she answers, not because he expects her to lie, but he likes taking in the subtle ways her face changes, how her emotions dance behind her eyes...

As her fingers twitch, he gives her hand a light squeeze, almost instinctively. When she finishes, looking away from him, he nods. Maybe more to himself, than her.]

That sucks that happened to you.

[Makes a lot of sense why she was so affected by his disappearing. Why she feels especially guilty over doing it herself. He doesn't wanna overly focus on that, though. It's a sore topic for them both, but for her especially.]

So...say if shit didn't get all fucked over in your world, would you hafta deal with that whole, uh, arranged marriaged thing royals are known for?

[she blinks.]

Ah...I...I'm not sure. [give her a second; it's been a long time since she thought about Ylisse in the geopolitical sense.]

Our western border was shared with Plegia...they're the ones who were seeking Grima's resurrection, so that's no. And Regna Ferox in the north... [she frowns deeper.] I think they cared far more about warriors than weddings. So as far as other countries go, I don't think I'd have had to worry about that, not unless something very dramatic had changed, perhaps...

[she can't fathom dealings with the countries west of the sea, and maybe that's a good thing; she wouldn't want to be bound to any of Walhart's ilk.]

[It's all a little weird imagining living like that. With kingdoms and political marriages. Alola's still got its dusty old traditions, but it's still pretty modern, not to mention the islands have been united for a long while now. It's only been fairly recently that Alola's opened up to the world and other regions, but even that's pretty peaceful.]

So you'd be able to just hook up with whoever, huh?

[Like...a commoner. A commoner like him...]

I think so. I mean...I'd probably be scrutinized no matter what I did, being who I was, but... [sheepishly, she scratches at her cheek with her free hand.]

My father got to choose. And so did my aunt! And she wed someone who wasn't of noble blood at all, so...so why not me?

[she laughs a little, shaking her head.]

But it's not like it's something you'd have to worry about here. [he thinks marriage is a joke anyway. ha.

ha......]

Huh... Didn't expect that. Your world seems like it'd be all about that with its love for tradition.

[He pauses at that last bit, and maybe he should know what she means, but like her, he's a bit tipsy, so...]

But wait, whaddaya mean?

[Dumb dumb thinks she's meaning the possible prejudice between a princess and a commoner being involved, not... marriage itself.]

[she smiles kind of lopsidedly, amused by the thought in her head that maybe her world was more keen on the tradition of love. that's a cute notion!]

Huh-? [she blinks, snapped out of that thought.] What? About...my aunt? Her husband?

No, not that!

[Lucina stop daydreaming about romantic notions for five seconds, jeez!]

What ain't I needin' to worry about here? Like, you meanin' the prejudices against people like you and people like me dating? 'Cos, hate to break it to ya, but people are hella shitty about that kinda crap still.

[Not as extreme, but there's a lot of judgmental people. Not that he cares, but he sees what people have said about them, he knows by the general societal view that he's more than unfit for her. Hell, even he thinks so, and while his reasons aren't fully because of that, he can't deny that is an allure to her in the fact she's of a higher social class than him.

Them power dynamics will be the death of him, honestly.]

Edited 2020-02-22 23:48 (UTC)

Wh-!

[she looks pretty bamboozled by that, blinking at him in confusion.]

That's...not what I was talking about? [right?? she's...pretty sure. did her mouth mess up??] I, I meant, because...you think...I mean, you think marriage is just--a, a joke, right? So, so why would you worry about it in another world?

Oh.

[That...makes sense.

He was asking about it because he was just curious about where her own standards came from, whether she was in line with how it works back there, or if she was working against the norm in being with someone like him. If she was pushing social boundaries, or if she was well within them.

That, and the fact she's so reserved a lot of the time about these things, he figured it'd be more strict, but apparently not. A lot of that hinged on the idea of marriage and what it should be, how it should be conducted, and with whom.

Caught a little off guard, he glances away from her, his face heated and not just because of the alcohol.]

I wasn't worried about it in another world, I just wanted to know what you thought of it...or your expectations of it, or whatever.

[Uh, god can he have a do-over here, he's not sure how to get outta this topic now without seeming like he's utterly dismissing the whole thing, and that's not fair to her. Especially when he brought it up in the first place.]

But you ain't wrong...I guess I just don't see the appeal, and maybe that's 'cos I'm jaded over Alola's moldy traditions and all of that...or it seems like some unnecessary pompous spectacle. I dunno.

[Like half of what he does couldn't be described as that?

He pauses, then glances at her a little sheepishly. He can't help but think about that conversation with Nanu, and even if he's no where near the right mental place or emotional maturity to truly consider that with anyone right now, he can't help but wonder...]

Is marriage all that important to ya?

[he's not the only one getting red in the face.]

It... It's not about spectacle. [she fidgets a little, uncrossing her legs and letting her feet dangle, crossed at the ankle. her fingers are curled against her jaw and chin for lack of place to be and a fidgety need to be doing something.]

It's the promise. And...the intention. It's...acting on words. To not just say to be there, but to be there, and. And friends and family hear it, too. It makes it loud and clear to everyone else, no...no misconceptions or guesses.

[she's not as drunk as she was at the onset, but still talking about things that move her...moves her. she gets a little choked up and misty eyed, and she's embarrassed for it.]

And it means there's...always going to be something to hang onto of the one you love most...even if they've gone far away.

[a ring, not a broken door or an empty room.]

But why's it gotta be that? That's what I don't get.

[He doesn't sound upset or annoyed, even if he's talking a little forcefully at the start.]

Why's it gotta be this big show—with all the stress and traditional Bulushit. Why's that the show of intent, and not the every day stuff that someone does? Anyone can fake a weddin', it's a whole lot harder to fake stayin' with someone.

[As he's speaking, he gesturing with his free hand, as if emphasizing his points somehow.]

I could go on the network right now and profess my feelin's about you, but it don't mean as much just 'cos we ain't all dressed up and followin' some script written by some dudes who arbitrarily decided that this is how you show your love for someone? Tch!

Edited 2020-02-23 01:10 (UTC)

[she fidgets again, starting to fluster. it's not fair to bring up a topic like this when she wasn't walking into this one prepared! pulling answers out on the fly is hard!!

after a little huff:]

Well, I...I don't know how it goes for where you're from, Guzma. But...but the celebration, even if it lacked sincerity, as you would suggest in some cases...it still brought people together. Gave them something to be happy about.

[pouting a little, she looks away.]

I-it sounds nice to me. To be able to...share that kind of happiness. And get so much good will in turn...

[her face gets redder as she mumbles:] ...And wear a dress like that...

[It takes him a second to realize how much he's taking a heaping insensitive shit on something that Lucina clearly cares about...and so he settles a bit, looking at her with a bit of guilt behind his eyes. Man, this sucks. Because like he told her before, he wants them both to be true to themselves, but this is just something that's hard to do that with.

She clearly wants to be married at some point, but Guzma's pretty sure he isn't the sort to get married. He's stubborn in his beliefs, sees the whole thing as silly, and maybe there's some anxiety around something so permanent. It's not like he's used to stability in any form, or not being able to run away if the need calls for it.

A divorce is hardly a quick process.]

...I guess that's fair, but maybe this whole conversation's a little silly.

[And in a horrible effort to give her some form of comfort, he adds:]

I mean, it ain't like you'd marry a guy like me, anyway!

Edited 2020-02-23 01:23 (UTC)

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