golisolation | 💀 MoM IC INBOX 💀

What? D'ya think I was interested in her 'cos she had kids? What kinda wack reasoning's that?

[LUCINA, HE WANTED HER LOINS, NOT THE FRUIT FROM THEM!!]

I mean she barely wanted nothin' to do with 'em, neither!

[And the hole gets deeper, and deeper, and deeper...]

[another beat. her expression strains with the effort of biting back another errant thought because honestly?

this lady...

it's hard to paint a neutral picture of her with what information she has, and she already instinctively resents her for being some kind of rival!

a forty-something...child-disliking...romantic rival for a 20-something???

gods, her head is starting to hurt.]

I'm...mm. I'm sorry. [she looks away, still conflicted.] I won't ask anymore.

I hope that... [.,,,well hell, you're already talking, girl:] Maybe I'll just hope...she never comes here.

[God, Guzma's realizing how terrible all of that probably sounds, and then Lucina's reaction. Putting his beer down, he puts his face into his hands.]

She's—

[Is there any way to recover from this? God, he doesn't know... Sucking in a breath:]

It's not like that...her kids rejected her, stole important shit from her, and took off with it. Without any regard for her, or what that'd do to her research, what it'd do to her foundation.

[He lowers his hands, turning to peer at her.]

They're stupid fuckin' kids, ungrateful brats who don't know how good they had it. I ain't blamin' her for being hurt by that, family's not supposed to abandon you, nor hurt you, and they did.

[she watches him, the struggle to put all this in proper place sobering...but not like actually sobering in the sense that her head is any less full of bees.

they're just confused, maximum-effort bees, trying their damndest to keep her head afloat, to keep from getting drowned out in feelings and reactions.

she can't tell if what he says is the truth of the matter as it should be taken, or if it's painted by his bias. she can't tell right off the bat and it frustrates her.

in her head, she is very certain that children...they're not inherently bad. it can't be so simple.]

...You said I...spoke to one of them already? [besides the grunts, what brats has she spoken to of late??] Who?

[100% painted by his and Lusamine's bias. After all, it's not like Guzma saw first hand what Lusamine did to them, he only knows what she told him, and with how she has him wrapped around her finger, he'd likely believe anything she told him.

He nods.]

A little blond girl—Lillie.

[WHO IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF A BRAT...]

[the fact that Lillie came off as THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF A BRAT is painted plainly by how her eyebrows raise, but her incredulous look fades a moment later.

she suddenly feels very tired.

sinking back into the couch, she lets out a slow breath, closing her eyes.]

...Thank you for telling me. I mucked up a good mood again, I know. [and she gets to enjoy trying to unpack all this for the rest of the night and maybe not sleep.]

[Likewise, Guzma's own go up at her reaction. As if he's...surprised. He shouldn't be, he really should not be. He spent who knows how many days with her, protecting her back in that other world.

That alone has left him feeling odd. But as Lucina thanks him and deflates, he can't help but feel like the asshole. Which is probably good, because he is.]

Nah, this is shit I've been meanin' to talk to you about. Better now than never.

[He pauses, digs around in his pocket before pulling out a bent half-smoked cigarette and a lighter, glancing to Golisopod for a moment, before putting it in his mouth.

Speaking through the side of his mouth as he goes to light it:]

I first saw Lillie in that other world.

Edited 2020-02-22 05:08 (UTC)

What-?

[she looks back over, her brow knitting. there's more to this dramatic puzzle?]

But...she's not from there. Right? And she's--has she been here before?

[He nods to the first question, then shrugs at the second as he takes a puff and blows the smoke out away from both Lucina and Golisopod.]

Yeah, she was actin' like she was pretty fuckin' fresh to the world. Like when people show up here—just she showed up there first.

[His gaze stays away from her though, focusing on his shitty cigarette instead, watching as the ember at the end burns.]

Archie—[Oof, saying his name definitely brought the memory of being stabbed by him, his expression tensing as his mouth pulls into a thin line.]—he never mentioned her, nor her brother.

I don't get it—I don't know why she was there, or why she was brought here afterwards. She remembers it all, like how we remember it...

[after a moment, she lifts a hand, rubbing her temple, trying to ease the growing throb there to little avail.]

I don't know if...I don't know of anyone else who has spoken of a similar situation. I can ask the rest of Aegis if there's any word of it, but...

[but she's not too confident she'll have an answer -- or even anything to do about it, for that matter.]

Yeah, I dunno. Maybe it's just a weird blip in this reality—after all, didn't they say it was gonna be all wack?

[He shrugs his shoulders.]

...I guess the point of me bringing that up, or any of that up is back to the initial question—and you deserve an answer. I should give you an answer.

[Swallowing down what feels like lead in his throat, he looks to Lucina. His expression serious, and maybe a little guilty.]

Like I said, I wanna be with you, I want you. But—

[he knows himself, he knows he's a coward, he knows he's...got issues. He does shit, even if it doesn't make sense, he hurts himself and others, even if he doesn't want to. His moods and violence can be so unpredictable, and he likes to think himself loyal, but in the end he knows he's selfish.]

I don't know what I'll do if she arrives.

[she peers at him from between her fingers before letting her hand slip away, abandoning her effort to coax the headache away. even with those awful, buzzing bees in her head, she can see the effort he's taking, the strife she's putting him through. he could just argue that she's bringing up things for no good reason, but, as it always does, it comes back to deserving.

apparently she deserves answers.

as encouraging as his affirmation is, that but cuts into it and leaves an uneasy, heavy feeling in her, more than what follows. after all, no one really knows the future...

it's that but that leaves things all up in the air -- makes it possible that maybe, one day, he won't have it in him to stay at her side.

she exhales heavily.]

I understand. Thank you.

...I know what I'll do.

[As much as he wants to look away from her, because of the guilt he feels over this (NOT A GREAT FEELING!!!), he doesn't. He keeps his eyes on her, brow pinched together, jaw tight.

She thanked him. Thanked him for giving her a "maybe" that he'll stay with her. That he'll be loyal to her. He feels like absolute trash, he knows he didn't deserve her before, but now..!]

...What's that?

[she lifts her head up a bit higher when she tilts her head back his way to meet his gaze.

pointedly:] Stand my ground. Believe in what you've told me, in what I feel, and protect what I care about. Because we agreed to see what the future is like together, right?

[Guzma stares at her, eyes wide, his mouth slightly hanging open in...surprise. He shouldn't be surprised, this is the most Lucina response ever, and yet he's still so taken aback by the fact she feels so strongly for him. That when given a "maybe" she gives him an "absolutely".

He tries to say something, but either the words get caught in his throat, don't exist, or his mouth refuses to work... So, instead he brings a hand to his face, burying it within his palm, as his other hand with the cigarette lays limp against the armrest of the couch.

What does he say to that? What can he say? He feels so warm and loved while feeling like a complete and utter piece of shit.]

[why should he be surprised at all? he's the one who started all of this by simply wondering what one had to do to deserve her. and from there...all this.

her expression softens at the sight of his withering, mouth quirking a little as her heart does an extra thump to impress in her head that maybe she's being stupid again. but not drunk-stupid, just...her normal brand.

instead of asking for a reply, she just reaches over and puts a hand on his nearest knee, giving it a pat.]

When you say you want to be with me and that you love me...you deserve nothing less than a hundred percent. That's what I think.

How can you say that!?

[He snaps it out suddenly, surprising himself even. He doesn't mean to get mad—he doesn't want to get mad. Not at her, never at her. And he isn't, not really. He's mad at himself.]

Here I am, tellin' you I don't know what I'm gonna do, I can't promise you shit, but you—you're gonna...

[His teeth click as he shuts his mouth quickly, gritting them together as that hand he's got his face buried against grips tightly. His eyes tightly closed, brow deeply furrowed.]

Why me, huh?

[her hand tenses where it's at on his knee when he bites back like that, her eyes wincing. she doesn't withdraw it, though, and her eyes stay fixed on him, watching him struggle. she seems very composed despite her heart racing all of a sudden, the bees back to buzzing.

after the hesitation she needs to keep on top of all that:] The you who you are right now...[how is she supposed to word this right? feelings like this don't translate to words properly at all regularly, let alone now.] I trust you. You've always said what you meant, done what you believed...and you believe I've been worth fighting for so far, somehow. Despite how...much I am. And how lacking I am.

[and how nonsense she is, and all the rest. she hesitates to swallow, feeling a bit overwhelmed herself, but keen on keeping it together for his sake. for her sake.]

Why you? Because it's you who I love. And maybe, somehow...I can become the someone who you'll be able to promise anything to. Even if...we don't know what's to come tomorrow.

[at the very least, she thinks, she can at least be the person to fight for what they have. she's always been a better fighter than poet or speaker.]

[That just makes him feel worse, like he's failing her. He's failing everything they've been through, because he can't seem to shake this bond he has with Lusamine.

She was the first to accept him, to acknowledge him, to give him the attention and validation he's craved for so, so long... She was the one who resurrected his long since dead hope, given him something to fight for—other than his hopeless battle against the Island Traditions. She was gonna help him become somebody...

But Lucina, she's also been here with him. She's loved him and adored him, shown him kindness like no other. Been gentle, understanding, and patient with him. She's made him truly and genuinely happy.

But so has Lusamine.

But Lucina—]

Nah, it ain't you who's gotta become somethin' more ...Maybe one day I'll be worthy of you, but I ain't. Not yet, not as I am.

[He doesn't look at her, keeps his face hidden, but he does crush that cigarette in his hand, not giving the slightest shit how it burns against his skin. It's only for a second, anyway, and then he's flicking it away.]

'Cos you ain't lackin' nothin'. You're—we don't always see eye to eye, we don't always get each other, but that ain't no fault of yours...

[she frowns, stuck on that worthiness part. there's more to say on the rest, but--]

Don't say something like-- Like you have to go away and quest for your worth? [she has a limit of one loved one on a spirit quest at a time, and Darin's already gone; her heart can't take any more people leaving her, especially not this idiot here!] You don't even know what value you have, you're the one who was asking me about deserving-- you can't just turn around and decide you already know now...!

[is she making sense at all? she can't tell; her worry is getting the better of her and she's just speaking her heart unchecked again; she clams up, pressing her lips tightly together, her fingers still curled on his knee, not sure of what to do, but reluctant to let go.]

[That snaps him out of his little slump, his head jerking up to stare at her a little bewildered. He hadn't meant...he didn't mean to imply—]

Lu, I ain't goin' no where—but you can't go and tell me that what I'm givin' is at all equal to what you're givin' me.

Don't you see how fucked that is?

[His lingering gaze falls to her hand on his knee, the hand that held his face now holds her tightly curled hand, trying to ease his fingers between her own.]

But I ain't gonna abandon you—we made a promise, and that'd just trash what value I do got if I went and broke it.

[Finally, his gaze flicks back up to meet hers, his face still conflicted and a bit strained, but...it's warmer than before. Her passion has such an effect on him, it's almost scary.

Actually, it kinda is, but maybe he likes that.]

Nah, what I'm sayin' is...I gotta do better than I am, but how the fuck am I gonna do that without you? I can't.

Guzma-- [she has to fight another impulse to apologize, to cut into his explanation, to offer some slapdash fix or close to the issue as impulse wants her to, but his hand halts her, and she stays quiet and still.

it's weird to find that she feels some manner of pride from all this. pride for his sake, that he'd be willing to swallow his own to show this quality of character. or, if she were to look at it from his angle more, his want to have this quality of character.

she's proud of him; he's far more than she'd ever given him credit when she first knew of him.]

If. That's...what you want to do, I will be there. [...] And...even if it's not. I'm still here. I want to be. Please don't...be unhappy with that... [her hand fidgets a little, relaxing her fingers to let his slip between them.] You're already good to me.

[she doesn't see it -- the unbalanced scales he sees so plainly.]

[So selfishly does he want to just accept her standard for him, accept that she'll let him get away with this inequality, but he can't. He'll take advantage of most anyone, but Lucina's different. He loves her and isn't interested in just taking from her. He wants to provide just as much as she does.

He gives her hand a squeeze, his expression still conflicted, but softer for her words. Warmer for her reassurances.]

I can't ever be unhappy with you by my side.

[for a moment, she seems mollified enough to let it end at that, but a thought floats up to mind. she blinks, then tilts her head slightly, her mouth quirking.]

That...isn't fair though, is it. Since you let me be grim all the time. You can be, too. Sorry, I'll take it back. You get to be you...whoever that you is. And I'll be me?

I think that might be better...

[she hopes so; she feels another flip of embarrassment, aware she's been tripping on her own tongue with thoughts too slippery to speak quite right with a head full of drink.

slipping onward:] I'm glad you said more about...about those things. [her. that other woman whose name starts with "Lu."] I worried a...a bit. Maybe stupidly. I won't anymore, though.

No that--

[He wasn't meaning to imply some perpetuate state of happiness when she's around, that'd be fake. That wouldn't be genuine, that wouldn't be...happy.]

What I meant is...I'm happy with you--bein' with you. I ain't gonna hide my emotions or pretend I'm somethin' I'm not, but you...make me happy.

[Which shouldn't feel so strange to admit.]

But it wasn't stupidly...I haven't been super up front with this shit, I've left you hangin'...

[He pauses a moment, thinking something over, before adding:]

So, how about this? If you got questions for your boy, he'll answer 'em. You deserve answers, so come at me, ok?

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