golisolation | 💀 MoM IC INBOX 💀

That isn't what I meant! [she looks alarmed when he turns her logic on him -- wow, it's almost like she holds herself to impossible standards while being far more lax on others or something!

...also, that was a little loud. she pipes down again, looking away, guilty.]

I mean... [a pained sound.] It...it's in my power to do more. It was always my charge to -- my fate? [her eyes wince, shoulders drawing up again.] Not that...fate is such a desirable concept anymore. [she huffs.

a beat.]

I do want to embrace as much good as I can. I know it can all go away...so fast. [war. death. randomly being transported to world full of war and death. world-eating dragons. world-eating goddesses.] I, I mean. I could get turned into that awful facsimile of myself again. Or...the scarabs could come back. Or the Shimmer. [she pales as she goes down this spiral, tensing up.]

Worse things could come than what we've seen. Something else could happen and...snatch any goodness away again. More people could leave, even never come back. Or they come back, but don't remember...

[she bites on her lip, fighting back a shudder of dread.

then the thought suddenly hits, and it's out of her mouth before she can even think to censor herself:] What'll you do...if that woman comes here, too? The one you care about still...

[not even a beat passes before she realizes she said that and goes red again, freezing up, not daring to look up to see what she's done; she assumes she'll get an earful for it anyway.]

[He's silent as she explains, but he can't help but be amused at her logic being turned around and getting such a reaction. He figured that'd happen, everyone's such a fucking hypocrite, himself included. As she goes on, he watches her closely, every little gesture and change in expression, how she winces, how the emotion flashes behind her eyes...

He's drawn into it, into her, and while he's listening to her, he doesn't realize where this is going. That this might lead to a hypothetical situation he's been silently dreading for months. Not because he reviles Lusamine, he doesn't, but that in itself is the problem.

So, as she says her question, too quick to stop, too quick to prepare for, his horror is plain on his face. His eyes are wide and he grows pale as his brain flatlines. He can feel his palms getting sweaty from his nerves as he tries to come up with an answer, because ultimately...]

I don't—

[He starts and immediately hits himself in the head with his open palm, his gaze tearing away from her as he tries to think, tries to put himself in that situation. But it's so hard, because he doesn't want to promise her something that he doesn't know if he can keep.

Guzma knows what he should say, knows he should tell her that he wants to stay with her—because he does know that! Does want it! But it's easy to say that, easy to claim he'll stay put, when Lusamine isn't here...but if she were...]

Lu—I love you, a'ight? I don't wanna go back—I wanna stay here—with you.

[That's...not answering the question. He knows he's trying to avoid answering it...]

[the sound of him hitting herself is what makes her jolt and look up, eyes big and expression fraught. she almost talks over him, starting to apologize, but cuts herself off in being cut off, his assurance like a palm to her head, to admonish her loose tongue and unchecked anxieties.

it only works a little, and only for a moment, because while it heartens her to hear him assert what he wants (he doesn't lie about these things to her, he means what he says! she knows that...), it also makes her feel terribly guilty, as if she'd forced him into a tight spot.]

Y-you said that before! [on the roof. in Jeopardy. the sky was a wreck and the world almost perished, but he said it then. she remembers.] You...I shouldn't have to hear it again. I'm sorry. I believe you. Really!

[she starts to sag out of the wound-up posture she'd gotten herself into just then as another wave of embarrassment washes over her, and her eyes peel away again, still stuck with the sight of his stressed-out look. gods, of course he's stressed, listen to her!]

Forgive me. I...don't want to get stuck...imagining all the things that could happen. [but she does. often.] I know how fast...things can change. N-not everything, but. A lot of things.

[like where people stand when someone very important suddenly shows up.]

[He almost relaxes when she accepts that, when she seems fit to accept his deflecting answer, and back away from the topic—but then she apologizes, and that makes something twist inside. His gaze falls away from her, and while she's asking for forgiveness, he feels like he's the one who should be asking for it.

The question keeps repeating inside his head, like an echo that instead of quieting with each repeat, instead gets louder. Nervously, he swallows, and his grip on his beer bottle is frighteningly tight, his hand shaking from it.]

...Lu, don't apologize.

[He starts, his voice strangely...still, quiet.]

You got every right to be askin' me this. You got a right to know. I, I been thinkin' about it a lot, especially recently...

[Lillie...then Gladion...]

I dunno if she will be showin' up—I figured it wasn't somethin' too probable, but now...

[His gaze hardens, and he looks to Lucina, conflict behind his dark eyes. He hesitates, his jaw visibly tense, hell, all of him is tense. He's been trying to keep this quiet, but he knows, he fucking knows if he doesn't tell her, she'll find out eventually...and that'll come back to bite him in the ass.

Lucina's been nothing but good to him, loving, kind, caring...he owes her this.]

Her kids are here.

[there's a painfully long beat that follows that, her eyes distant and fixed downward, and she almost looks lost to the conversation, but she suddenly lifts her head up and gawks at him, eyes wide.]

Kids-?! Wh-?? K--Huh-?! She...has...?

[she's had a lot of time to envision this madame prez. lacking any real details beyond important to Guzma, she's had to use her imagination to flesh out a vision of a woman who suits his affections.

mother is not part of that vision.]

[Guzma blinks at her for a second, then quirks an eyebrow.]

Yeah?

[He's not seeing the problem here. People have kids sometimes! People especially have kids when they are (still) married and twice his age...

Still not seeing the issue here.]

Why're ya more surprised at that, than the fact they're here? You even talked to one of 'em.

[THIS IS BRAND NEW IMPORTANT INFORMATION, OKAY!! and, being in her cups, she has to work EXTRA HARD to process this properly without vomiting out more useless thoughts! double-extra hard. she's trying her very best here under such dire circumstances of her own making.

while an eyelid twitches:] I...I have? Who? Where? I haven't...I wouldn't know that I've--Guzma, how old is that woman?? [wince.] I mean-!

[Wow, that's a reaction! He stares at her blankly.]

...I don't see why—[No, idiot, don't deflect]—uhhh, she's in her mid-forties, why's it matter?

[IT MATTERS A LOT, HE'S JUST TOO DUMB TO FUCKING REALIZE IT. He'll get to answering who in a moment.]

[she just

stares

for another painful-long beat.

small:] Fff...forties...[she slowly turns her head away and stares off into the middle distance.

of the room.

the middle distance beyond the room, seeing beyond, of course.]

I...see...

[WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT REACTION?]

...Uh.

[What is he even supposed to DO HERE?]

You—you doin' okay?

[IS she?? it's unclear. the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan plays softly in the distance for another long beat while poor Guz suffers. she comes back to earth eventually, though, looking rather lost when she finally glances back.]

I...I'm just...I didn't realize you wanted...children...at your age...

[REST IN FUCKING PIECES]

[Now it's Guzma's turn to sputter.]

W-wha—HUH? Who the fuck said I want kids!?

[The fact you were chasing a milf, maybe???]

Just 'cos she has kids don't mean I want anything to do with 'em!

[Wait that sounds...]

Wha-? [she winces, baffled.] N-now I don't understand at all...!

What? D'ya think I was interested in her 'cos she had kids? What kinda wack reasoning's that?

[LUCINA, HE WANTED HER LOINS, NOT THE FRUIT FROM THEM!!]

I mean she barely wanted nothin' to do with 'em, neither!

[And the hole gets deeper, and deeper, and deeper...]

[another beat. her expression strains with the effort of biting back another errant thought because honestly?

this lady...

it's hard to paint a neutral picture of her with what information she has, and she already instinctively resents her for being some kind of rival!

a forty-something...child-disliking...romantic rival for a 20-something???

gods, her head is starting to hurt.]

I'm...mm. I'm sorry. [she looks away, still conflicted.] I won't ask anymore.

I hope that... [.,,,well hell, you're already talking, girl:] Maybe I'll just hope...she never comes here.

[God, Guzma's realizing how terrible all of that probably sounds, and then Lucina's reaction. Putting his beer down, he puts his face into his hands.]

She's—

[Is there any way to recover from this? God, he doesn't know... Sucking in a breath:]

It's not like that...her kids rejected her, stole important shit from her, and took off with it. Without any regard for her, or what that'd do to her research, what it'd do to her foundation.

[He lowers his hands, turning to peer at her.]

They're stupid fuckin' kids, ungrateful brats who don't know how good they had it. I ain't blamin' her for being hurt by that, family's not supposed to abandon you, nor hurt you, and they did.

[she watches him, the struggle to put all this in proper place sobering...but not like actually sobering in the sense that her head is any less full of bees.

they're just confused, maximum-effort bees, trying their damndest to keep her head afloat, to keep from getting drowned out in feelings and reactions.

she can't tell if what he says is the truth of the matter as it should be taken, or if it's painted by his bias. she can't tell right off the bat and it frustrates her.

in her head, she is very certain that children...they're not inherently bad. it can't be so simple.]

...You said I...spoke to one of them already? [besides the grunts, what brats has she spoken to of late??] Who?

[100% painted by his and Lusamine's bias. After all, it's not like Guzma saw first hand what Lusamine did to them, he only knows what she told him, and with how she has him wrapped around her finger, he'd likely believe anything she told him.

He nods.]

A little blond girl—Lillie.

[WHO IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF A BRAT...]

[the fact that Lillie came off as THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF A BRAT is painted plainly by how her eyebrows raise, but her incredulous look fades a moment later.

she suddenly feels very tired.

sinking back into the couch, she lets out a slow breath, closing her eyes.]

...Thank you for telling me. I mucked up a good mood again, I know. [and she gets to enjoy trying to unpack all this for the rest of the night and maybe not sleep.]

[Likewise, Guzma's own go up at her reaction. As if he's...surprised. He shouldn't be, he really should not be. He spent who knows how many days with her, protecting her back in that other world.

That alone has left him feeling odd. But as Lucina thanks him and deflates, he can't help but feel like the asshole. Which is probably good, because he is.]

Nah, this is shit I've been meanin' to talk to you about. Better now than never.

[He pauses, digs around in his pocket before pulling out a bent half-smoked cigarette and a lighter, glancing to Golisopod for a moment, before putting it in his mouth.

Speaking through the side of his mouth as he goes to light it:]

I first saw Lillie in that other world.

Edited 2020-02-22 05:08 (UTC)

What-?

[she looks back over, her brow knitting. there's more to this dramatic puzzle?]

But...she's not from there. Right? And she's--has she been here before?

[He nods to the first question, then shrugs at the second as he takes a puff and blows the smoke out away from both Lucina and Golisopod.]

Yeah, she was actin' like she was pretty fuckin' fresh to the world. Like when people show up here—just she showed up there first.

[His gaze stays away from her though, focusing on his shitty cigarette instead, watching as the ember at the end burns.]

Archie—[Oof, saying his name definitely brought the memory of being stabbed by him, his expression tensing as his mouth pulls into a thin line.]—he never mentioned her, nor her brother.

I don't get it—I don't know why she was there, or why she was brought here afterwards. She remembers it all, like how we remember it...

[after a moment, she lifts a hand, rubbing her temple, trying to ease the growing throb there to little avail.]

I don't know if...I don't know of anyone else who has spoken of a similar situation. I can ask the rest of Aegis if there's any word of it, but...

[but she's not too confident she'll have an answer -- or even anything to do about it, for that matter.]

Yeah, I dunno. Maybe it's just a weird blip in this reality—after all, didn't they say it was gonna be all wack?

[He shrugs his shoulders.]

...I guess the point of me bringing that up, or any of that up is back to the initial question—and you deserve an answer. I should give you an answer.

[Swallowing down what feels like lead in his throat, he looks to Lucina. His expression serious, and maybe a little guilty.]

Like I said, I wanna be with you, I want you. But—

[he knows himself, he knows he's a coward, he knows he's...got issues. He does shit, even if it doesn't make sense, he hurts himself and others, even if he doesn't want to. His moods and violence can be so unpredictable, and he likes to think himself loyal, but in the end he knows he's selfish.]

I don't know what I'll do if she arrives.

[she peers at him from between her fingers before letting her hand slip away, abandoning her effort to coax the headache away. even with those awful, buzzing bees in her head, she can see the effort he's taking, the strife she's putting him through. he could just argue that she's bringing up things for no good reason, but, as it always does, it comes back to deserving.

apparently she deserves answers.

as encouraging as his affirmation is, that but cuts into it and leaves an uneasy, heavy feeling in her, more than what follows. after all, no one really knows the future...

it's that but that leaves things all up in the air -- makes it possible that maybe, one day, he won't have it in him to stay at her side.

she exhales heavily.]

I understand. Thank you.

...I know what I'll do.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject